“Who’s this guy, Dr. Keller?” The asshole with the tattoos walked over to us, having stubbed out his cigarette. Immediately, he wrapped his arm around the shoulders of the blond, who was, presumably, his girlfriend. He was obviously marking his territory. His stare was pointed, and he seemed annoyed by my very presence.
“He’s Neil Miller. He’s a former patient of Dr. Lively’s. Consider him a guest for today. He’ll be spending a few hours with us,” John informed them, smiling.
“Interesting,” the tattooed guy murmured, narrowing his eyes at me as though issuing a challenge. “We love new fish.” His tone was sly and suggestive of something that I didn’t like at all, threatening to awaken the less rational part of me.
But I forced myself to get a grip and stay calm.
Dr. Lively took a step toward me and cautiously inserted himself between us.
Not to protect me from the guy but to protect the guy from me.
He knew me very well.
“Drew, don’t start,” he reprimanded him, getting nothing in return but an annoyed huff. “Everyone else, please welcome our guest,” he added, trying to dispel some of the tension. Except I hated those kinds of pleasantries and rarely paid attention to them. In fact, as each person told me their name, I forgot the person immediately before them.
“Great. Neil, try to make yourself comfortable. John and I will be right back. We need to finish up a few things, and then we’ll get started,” he said, and I grimaced.
Where the hell were they going? Were they going to leave me there? Alone?
“Megan will stay here with you. She knows everyone already,” John told me as if he’d sensed my panic. Likely he intended this information to soothe my agitation, but the thought of continuing to hang out with Head Case was far from comforting.
As both doctors walked away together, Megan came over to me, and I sighed in apprehension.
“See, I really am your guardian angel. And you need me,” she said, going right back to busting my balls like she’d forgotten everything I said.
“I need a smoke,” was all I said in response before turning to cross the room and head for the terrace. By that point, everyone had gone back to their activities with a shrug. Only the guy with the tattoos stared daggers at me while he made out fiercely with the blond.
I had no interest in his woman, but evidently the idiot thought I did.
I screwed up my courage to cross the big room in full view of everyone. I was wound so tight by that point that I was nothing but a bundle of nerves, waiting to explode.
I was being inundated with memories: my father, my prayers, Kimberly, the years of treatment…I needed to drive them away immediately.
I headed for the partially open glass door that led out onto the terrace. The cold hit me right away, but I didn’t care. I pulled out my pack of Winstons and lit one. I couldn’t help myself. Smoking was a kind of brain trap, one of the only ways I could relax and feel better.
“I know this is hard for you, Miller.” Megan came out to join me, drawing in her shoulders against the cold. I pinched the bridge of my nose and rested my elbows on the railing, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment.
I felt like a fucking caged animal, ready to maul someone.
“I don’t believe you do know. You’re used to it now. I’m not anymore.” I inhaled smoke into the bottom of my lungs, pinching the cigarette between my index and middle fingers while I examined everything I could see, vigilant and attentive to the most minor detail. I blew the smoke out into the air and turned to Megan. She kept her distance from me, still with that proud affect, that self-assurance that showed in her every move. The impenetrable armor under which only I could catch a glimpse of her fear.
Megan was not invincible, just like I was not invincible.
“It’s just a few hours, and then you can go home,” she attempted to reassure me, staring deeply into my eyes with her green ones, and just for that moment, I felt relieved that she was there with me. I couldn’t stand her presence or her pushiness, but she was the only person I knew in that room.
“It’s not easy hanging out with you and the other head cases. Trust me,” I blurted out, continuing to smoke. What else was there to do? I alternated between moments of rational thinking and moments in which I turned rough and intractable. Keyed up, I looked behind her at the tattooed guy, sitting on the sofa and fully focused on flirting with the blond. I pinched the bridge of my nose again.
“His name is Drew, and that’s Brenda with him,” Megan said softly, anticipating my question. “She’s cute, right?” She paused to give the other woman a look, folding her arms over her chest.
“You into girls this week?” I asked with my characteristic bluntness, oblivious to the fact that I was prying into her personal life. I’d known since our adolescence that Megan was bisexual, and I’d never judged her sexual preferences. I was mostly just curious.
“Man or woman, I like anyone who’s got a soul. I thought you understood that, Miller.” She gave me a small, amused smile.
“I don’t understand anything about you, Head Case.” I took another drag and blew the smoke through my nose, all while continuing to stare at Drew. I didn’t give a shit about the little blond; he was the one that interested me.
“Tattoo guy, what’s his deal?” I asked, jerking my chin at him.
“He’s the alpha male of the group. One of the worst cases here, probably. He started coming to group about six months ago, but he hasn’t shown much progress yet. I overheard Dr. Keller saying that he’s got a hard road ahead of him…” Megan took on a look of chagrin and toyed with a lock of jet-black hair that had fallen over her shoulder.
