All my inhibitions were gone; I was no longer myself.
I became a different woman.
And, as scary and illogical as it was, I knew we both needed what was happening.
We were profoundly troubled. Wounded.
Stained.
Alike…
But, above all, inexplicably entwined.
24
“Tinkerbell’s soul had wandered deep inside me.”
Neil
There are two kinds of filth: the kind that other people hurl at you and the kind that grows inside you.
The second kind is the one that doesn’t wash away.
It’s something you bear on your skin; it stays with you for your whole life long.
It stays in your soul.
It flows in your blood.
The only time I ever felt clean was with Tinkerbell.
Never with anyone else.
No other embrace had the same warmth. No other kiss had the same sweetness.
Now more than ever, I was confident that no one else would have the same power she did.
Tinkerbell’s soul had wandered deep inside me, and no amount of time or other pairs of blue eyes or any sort of fucking could have erased what Babygirl was to me.
And now I’d proved that by hitting rock bottom and succumbing to the one woman I swore I’d never touch: Megan.
I didn’t know whether to feel like more of a piece of shit for using her up and tossing her aside or for deluding myself for the past six months.
Yes, the biggest ass-kicking was the one I’d delivered to myself.
Everything had been so clean and clear when I’d fallen into temptation with my roommate. I did everything I could to relive the past, to shrink the distance between me and Babygirl’s ocean eyes. I had tried as hard as I could to imagine Selene’s body beneath me instead of Megan’s.
I tried to replace her orange blossom scent with one of coconut.
That’s why I’d gone even further.
That’s why I’d forgotten the condom.
That was why it felt so tight, why I liked it so much, why I…why I…
For her.
Only for my Babygirl, who I imagined when I could not touch her. Who I saw over and over again in each one of them.
