I didn’t feel remotely guilty about the shocked expression that appeared on her face. She’d been the one who decided to stick her nose where it didn’t belong; it was only right that she found this stuff out. “She’s not a little girl anymore…” I went on, in a tone that made it clear that I knew sides of Selene that she could never even imagine.
I went back to drinking my coffee, which tasted somehow more bitter than before. Or maybe it was just this conversation that was bitter.
“I won’t keep Selene from seeing you, but if you do care about her, you need to let her go, Neil. What’s going to happen when you go away to Chicago? She won’t be able to follow you. She won’t be able to leave her school or…” Her lip trembled, and her gaze dropped. Then she looked back up at me and said, with an almost frightening strength, “Me.”
She took a breath and went on: “Please don’t hate me. I am her mother, and I have to protect her,” she said in a placating tone, and I gave her a sideways smile that made her frown.
I understood Judith’s little speech perfectly: She wanted what was best for her daughter, and the best was obviously not me. She had to protect Selene, yes. Protect her from me. I wasn’t surprised by anything she had just said to me, and it was all completely understandable. She didn’t like me; she had never liked me, in fact, and deep down, I’d always known it. The only thing I couldn’t understand was why she’d waited so long to tell me.
Instead, she had lied to me. She’d put on a little performance last time when we talked about art in her living room, and that was something I couldn’t stand in a person: lying and hypocrisy.
All at once, I got to my feet, and she tilted her head back to look up at me before taking a step back. I stared at her, serious and blank, determined to intimidate her and make it impossible for her to see what was going on inside my head.
Ms. Martin looked to me like she was having some trouble.
I rounded the kitchen island with my usual self-assured air and approached her. When I got close enough, I stopped and searched her face carefully. She didn’t flinch, though.
Instead, she swallowed and waited for me to speak.
“You know, Ms. Martin,” I said, leaning in toward her. She tensed up, her shoulders going rigid and her eyes blinking rapidly. I breathed in her pleasant, feminine scent and went on: “I could take your daughter away from you with a snap of my fingers. But I’m not going to do that because I have never seen a future with her,” I said in a stormy whisper before stepping back slightly to look her in the eye.
Ms. Martin was not fooled by my appearance of tranquility.
She saw the storm raging inside me.
She saw my monster. She saw my torments.
And an indescribable fear spread over her face, which filled my entire body with a sick sense of satisfaction.
“I am not your enemy, Neil,” she answered, screwing up her courage to face me. “But if you care even one tiny bit about my daughter, you will get far away from her and let her live in peace,” she pleaded in an anguished tone.
I looked into her eyes and didn’t feel a hint of compassion. “You don’t need to tell me that, Ms. Martin,” I said austerely. “I can promise you—there is no place in my life for your daughter.”
“So promise me that you’ll let her go when you leave for Chicago. You know it’s the right thing to do. Don’t pull her away from me; don’t destroy her dreams,” she pressed, just as stubborn as her baby girl. For a few seconds, I considered her words. I had already thought about how impossible it would be to date or even see Selene in the future.
I would have been the first person to say that Selene should not abandon her education, her friends, her mother, or the life she had waiting for her in order to be with me. Yes, I was selfish, but I wasn’t incapable of understanding what was best for her. I gave myself a moment to think, and then, with a deep breath, I answered, “I’ll let her go. I promise.”
Ms. Martin pressed a hand to her heart, relieved. She knew as well as I did that the choice was all mine, all in my hands. I was stronger than Selene, and I was the only one who had the stomach to put a definitive end to our relationship.
Selene was in too deep with me, drawn to me and bound to me by a feeling that I refused to name.
She would accept my decision because I could manipulate her thinking and persuade her in my own unique way. I had already succeeded in getting her to give in to desire months before when I’d coaxed her into getting with me while she was still with Jared. It would have been no trouble at all to convince her to end things and give up on realizing her dream of a future together. A future in which I could only ever corrupt her.
And Ms. Martin knew it all.
She sensed the power that I had over her daughter.
In that moment, a war began inside me.
A war between my good sense, which knew that I should push Selene away, and my instinct, which said that I wasn’t done with her yet.
Just a few hours earlier, I’d told her she could be with me, but now another detail would need to be added to our little compromise: our intimacy would have an expiration date.
In just a few months, our paths would diverge forever.
I would have to go on without her velvet lips, her glowing skin, and her ocean eyes.
I would have to renounce all urges to kiss or fuck her.
