“For what?” she murmured. I smoothed down her long hair and then traced down and down the curve of her spine.
“Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for continuing to be myNeverland and for giving me the greatest gift: our Little Pearl,” I admitted uncomfortably. I still wasn’t used to exposing myself like that.
Her eyes gleamed with love, and I knew she was about to cry.
“No, Babygirl, don’t do that,” I muttered gruffly.
She broke into laughter instead and rested her head in the crook of my neck, holding on tight to me.
I wanted to keep kissing her and take off the rest of her clothes, but I was distracted by a small figure staring at us.
The Boy stood just a few feet away in his familiar Oklahoma City jersey and dirty shorts with an insolent smile on his face.
I was not surprised. I often encountered him around the house or even at my office.
He was always there, and he probably always would be.
I had not abandoned him—I could never.
I still had nightmares about Kimberly, but every time I did, Selene was always there to touch me and hold me close and remind me that dreams existed also. I had gone back on the medication that I’d stopped against Dr. Lively’s advice all those years ago, and I acknowledged that I would likely have to take it for the rest of my life because the things that troubled me were not the kind of things you cured.
The best I could do was keep them under control, but even in that, I had brave Selene by my side to help me manage my impulses and to soften my rough edges. I still went to group sessions at Dr. Lively’s office at least twice a month, and Selene went with me, holding my hand tight to remind me that everything we went through, we went through together.
I gestured for the Boy to get out because this was for sure not the moment to talk to me, and he chuckled as he ran over to the window. He climbed up onto the sill, and before opening it, he turned to look at me.
Over time, the two souls in my body had reached a state of compromise. They were no longer at war; neither was a winner nor a loser.
There would always be an Adult Neil just as there would always be the Boy, who now threw open the window and took flight, vanishing into the starry sky.
I knew that he would be back, just not to hurt me this time.
“What are you looking at?” Selene said. I looked away from the window to her ocean eyes and reached out to touch her lips. All was well; the Boy had simply learned how to fly away from the pain, and I had accepted his presence inside myself.
“Nothing, Tinkerbell.” I shrugged and slid my hand into her hair, cupping the back of her head and drawing her to me. I made only one request of her, the only one I’d ever really needed: “Kiss me…”
She stared at me, maybe wondering when I had been contaminated by her.
From the very first moment I met her.
I did not consider myself a perfect man, and I knew I never would be. Maybe that was all love really was: accepting yourself and all your imperfections.
There are no fairy tales, just stories with love in them—love in all its forms.
Once, in a grocery store, I told Selene a story about her future.
I told her how she’d have two beautiful children—a girl and a boy. How she’d have a beautiful home and a husband who adored her. I told her that she would be an independent, appealing, elegant woman and how her daughter would have her ocean eyes and her son her tenacity.
I told her about the parties she’d have with music and barbecue and how she’d be an exemplary mother, a dream wife, and the perfect woman.
I even told her that her husband would be a lucky man.
But I’d gotten one thing wrong. I told her that I would be far away from all of it, traveling aimlessly across the world.
Instead, I would be the man at her side, the father of her children, and she would be my future, along with the chaos that always circled around me, the issues I would always have, and the ever-present ghosts of my past. And we had made our peace with that.
There was lots that was imperfect about us, but that’s what made us unique. Who wanted another charming prince and a princess?
Instead, I would always be a dark knight with torments deep inside, and my Babygirl would always be the greatest of warriors.
