“Yes, but I think I can manage it. You can go home if you’re tired,” I said gruffly. It was only six p.m., and I imagined she wasn’t at all tired, but I did hope she’d take me up on my offer because working alone with her was uncomfortable.
There had been a time when I worried that I’d lose my appeal as I aged and become less desirable for women, but instead the exact opposite had happened.
In my ten years with Selene, I frequently had to rein in my hedonistic impulses because the women had not let up, especially at work. They vied for my attention, longing for even one night of sexual objectification from yours truly.
Some of the fault lay with me and the excessive attention I paid to my body. I’d never given up the gym or my daily training. My body was still vigorous and virile, and though I hated to admit it, a part of me delighted in being physically attractive.
“No, that’s okay.” Sharon shrugged. I stubbed out the cigarette in the ashtray and got up, tucking my hands into the pockets of my slacks. “I can stay,” she added with a smile, obviously pleased to be spending more time with me.
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes so I wouldn’t appear rude and walked over to her, turning the project plans so she could read them as well.
“We need to fix the stairs. I don’t think this positioning is the best option, and this room needs to be larger,” I explained, pointing out each element I thought needed work. She leaned forward as though looking closer andrested a hand on my lower back, over the white button-down that I wore. Her delicate fingers slid up and down in a heated caress. I gave her a severe look, and she recoiled.
“Sharon…” I said her name so sternly that she actually stepped back a few paces. “Don’t take liberties I haven’t granted you.” I wanted to add that I wasn’t a kid anymore, and a pussy in heat had no effect on me, but I knew I shouldn’t outright insult her.
I was already well-known around the office for my rough edges. People thought I was an asshole because I didn’t chat or make small talk. I spoke to people only when necessary, and some found that condescending.
I was taciturn by nature, though. That was another thing that hadn’t changed.
“It’s not like you’re married. You don’t wear a ring…” Sharon gave my hand an inquisitive glance. I didn’t immediately see what that observation had to do with my rejecting her advances. No, I wasn’t married, and I never would be, and Babygirl had accepted that. We had talked about it at length, and I explained how I felt—that we didn’t need a ritual or paperwork to know how we felt about each other. There were certain conventional things that I just didn’t believe in, nor did I find them useful at all.
“Just because I’m unmarried doesn’t mean I’ll have sex with my coworkers,” I answered, scowling.
This conversation was getting on my nerves, stoking the anger that was my old friend and had never left me. I was beginning to think that I needed to be more explicit with this woman. I moved confidently toward her. “And, just to clear up any doubts you may have, Sharon—there’s only one woman I fuck. My woman,” I said quietly, and she let out a gasp. “Forgive me for the vulgar language, but sometimes a guy has to resort to that kind of thing when he’s setting things straight,” I added with a smile of satisfaction. She gave me an affronted look but then cleared her throat and went back to looking at the plans as though she were suddenly extremely interested in them.
“Uh…I agree with you on the stairs. I think we should…” she went on, beginning to draw up a list of changes that we should consider.
We worked until the clock said 9:30 p.m., an hour when I should have already been home to cuddle with my daughter and eat dinner with Selene.Usually dessert consisted of my tongue between her legs or a hard fuck on the kitchen table because we often had to take immediate advantage of Nicole’s sleep to sneak a little moment for ourselves.
Selene had gotten used to my ways, and now she loved them.
Outside of the office, I was no different than I used to be. The same confident, perverted Neil. Only with my daughter did I show my sweeter, more affectionate side because that was, apparently, a side I had now because of her.
It felt like my own heart was beating inside her tiny body. The feeling was completely novel and unexpected…incredible.
When Selene told me she was pregnant, she thought I was going to cut and run. That I was going to abandon the both of them, not realizing that I already knew she’d gone off the pill.
When I got home from work that day, I found her sitting on our bed and crying. I could still see her blue eyes blurry with tears, the skin around them puffy from crying about how I might react. I thought she was sick, that something was seriously wrong with her, so my heart was in my throat as I sat down next to her. Ideas of what she might say ran through my head, each more horrifying than the last. But then she just handed me a pregnancy test with two pink lines. Positive.
I froze, staring at her, wondering if I was dreaming. In that moment, the Boy’s bitter, pitiless words came back to me:“Today, you abuse yourself. What if, one day, you abuse your daughter?”
And the fear rushed over me, dredging up every dark moment of my life.
What I had been.
What I’d been subjected to.
The harm I had done to others. To Selene.
I questioned whether I really deserved such a gift, if I could ever live up to the responsibility of being a good father.
But I knew that I had a fairy by my side, the same fairy who was about to give me the greatest gift in all the world.
Our child would be wanted fiercely—first and foremost by me.
I could make Selene’s dream of getting married come true, but I could fulfill her dream of being a mother and my own of being a better man for my twin pearls.
For my family.
