He stopped for a red light on a lonely street illuminated only by a few streetlamps and the signs on the closed stores. It was late and close to Christmas, so we still hadn’t found a place open that would have my candy. I leaned back in my seat and looked at the billboard out the window.
“Think it was worth it?” Neil asked abruptly, and I turned to him. He was drumming his index finger on the steering wheel as he stared blankly at the traffic light.
His face was so impassive that, for a second, I thought I’d imagined him speaking to me.
“What are you referring to?” I asked.
“Thisthingthat has been going on with us since we first met,” he answered tersely. I remained silent, the song on the radio an accompaniment to my thoughts until, finally, I spoke. “Do you mean was it worth the risk, the pain, and you putting me through the wringer all just to experience what we’ve shared?” I asked, perhaps a little too bluntly, because he shot me a look and just nodded coolly.
“Of course, it was. If I had it to do all over again the only thing I would change is maybe slapping you a few more times. I was way too lenient with you, honestly…” I answered sincerely. He laughed out loud, but I wasn’t joking.
What if he got bored of me? What if he thought of me as just a friend he’d sought comfort from in the past?
I was pulled from those morose thoughts when Neil grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips for a gentlemanly kiss. Then he met my eyes and smiled at me.
“After Kim, I couldn’t feel joy. All I could see was darkness and evil allaround me. But you were the one joyful moment life allowed me. Brief but intense. My Neverland. And that’s what you’ll always be, Tinkerbell,” he said in a tragic murmur. I was stunned by his confession; it hit me straight in the heart. He released my hand, and I just barely managed not to cry. He could sense that and began to put more emotional distance between us again, turning his attention to the stoplight. He didn’t wait to hear what I had to say; he didn’t want to hear it. He wasn’t asking me for anything in return; he was merely opening his heart to me for a single, brief moment. He’d given me a glimpse of his marvelous soul, the one I’d fallen in love with so long ago.
The light turned green, and he hit the gas, driving through the intersection.
I sat back in my seat and turned to look at him. I wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to leave me behind, that I would always be with him, but I didn’t have time to speak.
A pair of blazing headlights blinded me.
My eyes went wide.
A van was barreling down on us, about to crash into the car.
I screamed and clutched Neil’s arm.
He turned and saw the approaching lights, getting closer with every second.
But it was already too late.
A collision.
A crash so powerful that I could feel my bones break. My head smashed against the passenger window.
A stab of pain shot down my spine.
My heart stuttered.
I lost feeling in my body.
I was cold…too cold…
26
“Neil was so still that I immediately knew he was unconscious.”
Selene
How ephemeral was the barrier between life and death?
I knew for certain that I touched it—I saw Death’s face.
But while life did take a little break, she did not abandon me altogether. She came right back to me.
I could feel the beat of my heart; it was slow, but it was there.
