All of it was a performance designed to allow me to maintain my position and win the favor of the asshole seated in front of me.
“You’re really doing top-shelf work here. You’re honestly more capable than many of my colleagues,” he mused.
“I don’t feel like I’m better than anyone,” I answered humbly. It was true—IknewI was better. “I’m just striving to improve.” Architecture really was my field, my dream, and I found that it was oddly fulfilling to dive into a new project. I enjoyed it; it was perhaps the only true satisfaction that life had ever given me, and I hoped it wouldn’t be snatched away from me.
“I’m going to be swamped today. There are a couple of projects I’m responsible for that I’d like to put in your hands. I want to you to get yourtake on the plans.” He pointed at a thick stack of papers to his right, and I blanched. Immediately, I wanted a cigarette. That stack of papers was about eight inches high, and this idiot was entrusting them all to me?
“Are you sure about that? I mean, these are important projects, your clients, and…” I played the newbie card, like I wasn’t sure I could really pull this off. In this new world of mine, it wasn’t ever a good idea to demonstrate too much confidence. People would start to think of me as the enemy, and then they’d try to compete and try to undercut me, and that would only stunt my professional growth.
“I’m sure, Neil. I don’t even need to review your work. When you finish this internship and get your license, you are going to be a great architect. Professor Robinson is my brother-in-law, you know, and he’s been singing your praises for a while. Now I see why.” He got up out of his chair, glancing at his phone, which had begun to ring incessantly. “I’ve got a meeting in ten. Get to work, Neil.” He slapped me on the back again and sped out of his office, snapping at whoever was on the other end of the call.
“Fuck’s sake…” I paused, holding back more expletives in case some dickhead came along to chide me about it. “Cool, fantastic,” I muttered to myself instead. I wasn’t going to get home before eight o’clock. I kicked the door shut and walked over to my desk. I took off my jacket and hung it up on the coatrack before sitting down in the swivel chair. With a deep sigh, I rolled my shirt up to the elbows and started looking through the various projects I was supposed to deal with.
Some I just checked over; others I modified. I gave my ideas free rein, just like he’d asked me to do, though I always thoroughly evaluated whether they were actually the best ideas.
Hours later, I was still hard at work in the office all by myself with a mug of coffee steaming next to me.
I hadn’t stopped to eat anything. I was forcing myself to finish all the projects so I didn’t have to hear about it from Mr. Moore. I knew I wouldn’t have been able to keep my cool if he tried to lecture me, so I tried not to give him any reasons to bust my balls. Weary, I cracked my neck and rubbed my shoulder. There was a strange needles and pins sensation along my arm and the fingers on that hand were numb.
I glanced at the clock—it was almost four o’clock, and I hadn’t seen Megan at all. I was pretty sure she probably also had important projects to work on, so we would undoubtedly be driving home together.
Just then, someone knocked on the door, and I immediately assumed it was the Head Case herself. I didn’t say anything, just watched as the door opened wide to reveal…
Logan?
I blinked in shock, afraid I was having some sort of hallucination.
I did not feel particularly thrilled or delighted by his presence. Instead, I was mostly surprised and confused.
I leaped to my feet and stood motionless, watching him. My heart began to pound in my chest, my breath catching in my throat.
“Hi…” my brother murmured. The sound of his voice made me really feel that he was there—this was no dream. How long had it been since we’d seen each other? How much had our relationship changed? He walked in slowly, clearly wanting to wrap me up in a fraternal embrace. But he restrained himself.
“Neil!” An enthusiastic female voice called out, echoing off the office walls. Chloe rushed past Logan, and I moved instinctively, rounding the desk to meet her. She hurled herself into my arms with teary eyes. She threw her arms around me and pressed her cheek to my chest, and I went rigid. I tried to hug her in return, but my arms just remained stubbornly frozen in midair. Without conscious thought, I took her by the shoulders and pushed her back, away from me. Chloe stared at me in confusion and used the back of her hand to wipe away the tears that kept flooding down her face. Once again, I felt nothing at the sight of those tears. I wished I could kick-start my own heart and make the emotions turn over.
I couldn’t even feel them, let alone express them.
What the hell had happened to me? Where had my love for them gone?
“What…what are you doing here?” I asked coldly. I didn’t even recognize my own voice.
“After six months, that’s all you have to say to us? Our lives have ground to a halt…and you want to know what we’re doing here?” Logan answered, shocked by my apathy. Honestly, even I couldn’t understand it.
“We needed to see you and talk to you.” Dr. Keller appeared from behind Logan and moved to stand next to him.
I clenched one hand into a fist as I felt anger boiling under my skin. My siblings had brought the man who claimed to be my father to see me. But he was nothing to me. No one brought me up; no one was there for me. I’d never had a male figure I could rely on and confide in, except for Dr. Lively.
Wait—had Dr. Lively known? Did he betray me too? Just the idea of it made my brain hazy.
“Talk to me? I’m busy, John. I’m working. We can’t all spend our days fucking with our patients,” I sneered at him. “You had over twenty years to talk to me, but no…you preferred to lie to me. It was more entertaining that way, right?” I didn’t raise my voice but just leaned easily against the desk and folded my arms over my chest in an arrogant, superior manner. Chloe stepped back a bit, shocked at my indifference. John just sighed heavily, trying to be patient.
“I’ve been trying to reach you…” It was Logan who spoke then, and I turned my attention to him. “I emailed you constantly. I texted and called every day, but you never answered. I thought something had happened to you. I thought you might be sick or—” But I interrupted him, finishing his thought with a cruel smile.
“That I might be high off my ass in some club? That I was spending my nights shit-faced, fucking whatever easy pussy happened along?” I couldn’t seem to express myself in anything but the most vulgar way, despite the fact that Chloe was standing right there. Normally, I was much more considerate of her. My sister sucked in a breath at my harsh words and moved to stand by Logan, visibly disturbed and afraid.
“What happened to you? Why are you treating us this way?” Logan couldn’t conceal the profound disappointment mixed with sadness in his tone.
I let my arms fall loose to my sides and straightened up before striding over to them.
