I mumbled out a shaky “thanks, Logan.” I assumed he was playing nursemaid and looking after me. I was confused, then, when I felt his lips settle, soft and warm, against my cheek before slowly moving down to my throat.I let out a little involuntary sigh of pleasure, and a warm sensation spread through every part of me.
It was weird of Logan to be touching me in such an intimate and, frankly, carnal way.
But maybe…
I opened my eyes and turned my head and thought I was hallucinating when I met Neil’s grave, intense stare, fixed on me.
He’d been sitting on the side of my bed for who knows how long.
My blood began to boil in my veins: I wasn’t sure if I was outraged or thrilled by his presence.
“What are you doing here?” I asked him, my voice dry as I tried to sit up. I couldn’t, though; my muscles were still too weak. I clearly wasn’t any better for my rest.
He didn’t answer but just watched me closely with both sadness and apprehension on his face.
Was he worried about me? More importantly—how long had he been there?
“You’re still running a temperature…” he noted, his voice deep and austere, and he stopped stroking my hair. I watched his full lips flatten into a line and had the urge to kiss him. My cheeks burned at the lecherous idea.
His shadowy aura made me feel even smaller than I actually was.
In that moment, I wished I could be like Megan—strong, sure, confident—but I wasn’t. I wasn’t surprised Neil had chosen her instead.
“You shouldn’t be here; go back to your girl. I get it, you know? You don’t have to explain anything to me.” My headache was throbbing, but that didn’t stop me from venting my anger.
An immature girl.
That was what I acted like, but I didn’t care. Neil didn’t know what was going on inside me; he had no idea what I’d gone through in the last six months.
There is no pearl without her shell.
How was I supposed to live now that he’d chosen someone else?
“I don’t think you do get it. I don’t think you can.” He stretched out an arm and tucked a bit of hair behind my ear. I wanted to dodge him, to shovehis hand away and avoid his touch, but I couldn’t. His fingers brushed my soul and touched my heart, and I loved to feel them on me.
“What do I not get? That you’re with her now? That you’ve been living with her for the last six months? That, in those same six months, you’ve completely ghosted me, never answering a single call or text? What am I failing to get, Neil? Because, to me, the conclusion is so obvious only a total idiot wouldn’t get it.” A sob escaped my lips, and I finally found the inner strength required to push his hand away. I scooted backward until I was plastered against the headboard, trying to escape his eyes.
“It’s not what it looks like…” Neil looked down at my hands and reached out to touch me again. He stroked my hands with his fingers, and the heat of him began to burn through every part of me again.
I could sense a bizarre need on his part to have some sort of physical contact with me. I knew it was the only way he knew how to communicate, but I wasn’t going to give in. The fire that he could stoke between my thighs wouldn’t be enough to distract me this time.
“Oh no? Then tell me you haven’t had sex with Megan or anyone else in these past few months. Tell me that you’ve been thinking about nothing but me and that goddamned day in May because that is what I’ve thought about every moment since then and I amruined.I have been completely ruined by you!” My voice rose a couple octaves as I again pulled away from the touch of his hand. The heat of his flesh was replaced by chill, and my head was pounding again.
I really had been ruined. I’d tried to forget him by kissing Ivan; I’d even tried to make love with him, but it hadn’t worked. I put a stop to it before we could even get started because, just as he was about to pull off my jeans, I realized that I didn’t really want him.
I only wanted Neil inside me.
Only him inside my soul.
“We’ve both had sex since then. We’ve moved on; it’s the right thing to do.” His voice changed, becoming brittle and stern, a clear sign that I was right once again. Something had happened between him and Megan, and he didn’t have the guts to admit it. In fact, he thought I was just like him, that I would be just as thoughtless.
I almost laughed in his face.
“Both of us?” I sneered at him. “I’m not like you. I have never been like you. I couldn’t just replace you with a snap of my fingers. I haven’t been with anyone else, I haven’t…” I hesitated.
He was scowling at me. His eyes burned with undiluted rage that he seemed prepared to spew at me like a dragon.
“Seriously? I’d lay bets right now that you have a boyfriend and that boyfriend is your beloved captain of the basketball team. You already admitted to me that you liked him. Have you really not fucked him once in all these months?” he asked sharply, giving me a look full of disdain. “You can’t bullshit me with that little angel face, Selene. You’ve finally figured out what I knew all along—that whatever you felt for me was an illusion. So don’t try to lie to me!” He leaped to his feet, every muscle tensed beneath his clothes. The loud, biting sound of his voice seemed to stab into my ears and pulsed in my head. I automatically began to rub my temples, wincing in pain. I was in no condition to sit through one of his outbursts. Neil appeared to realize that he’d gone overboard and looked at me ashamed, like he wanted to apologize. But he didn’t.
