“I’m going to take it back to Chicago with me and try to figure it out there.” Neil got to his feet, the note still clutched in one hand. He pulled a pack of Winstons out of his pants pocket, and without giving me so much as a look, walked right past me. The smell of musk washed over me, and it felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. Megan got up and followed him, and I watched the two of them walk through the kitchen, heading outside to the yard.
“Stop thinking those ugly thoughts, Selene.” Logan came over to me, smiling as he laid a hand on my forehead. I cocked an eyebrow at him and snorted.
“What ugly thoughts? That he wants Megan?” I asked him, sounding notably nasally.
“You don’t see the way he looks at you, do you? You’re the only person he sees, Selene. It’s been like that for a while.” He tucked a strand of my hairback and searched my sorrowful eyes for any glimmer of hope. I didn’t say anything because I had not observed anything of the sort from Neil. I had looked him eye to eye several times, and on each occasion, he’d only seemed indifferent. “Don’t let her occupy your place. Go to Neil and talk to him,” he urged me with conviction, giving my shoulders an encouraging squeeze.
I didn’t know what I should do; I felt too vulnerable.
Too afraid.
I was afraid that he might hurt me. Or rather, that he would cut me to ribbons with his cruel words. Neil knew how to land a blow, and he was an expert at the kind of psychological torture that kept me at a distance.
I’d been waiting to see him again for months, and now that I finally had the opportunity to talk to him, I was shying away like the rankest coward.
“Go on, you can do this.” Logan pushed me gently in the direction of the kitchen. I allowed myself to be pushed, moving with difficulty not only because of my physical exhaustion but also because I was too overwhelmed by all the feelings Hurricane Neil had stirred up.
I sighed and slowly rounded the kitchen island. My heart beat faster and the chills intensified. I felt like a child preparing to face down the fearsome giant who had already shattered her heart once before.
I reached the glass doors and froze when I spotted Neil and Megan outside, standing close together as they talked. Too close. He still had the riddle in one hand, and he held a cigarette in the other. His face was dark and pensive as he looked out over the lawn. She touched his face, bolstering him, petting him, but the worst was yet to come. She stood up on her tiptoes and dropped a kiss on his lips.
My breath caught.
Neil took a step back, breaking the contact and looking annoyed, but that wasn’t enough to soothe me.
I staggered back, aggrieved, and every fear I had, every insecurity, rose up to remind me that my instincts had always been right: He was attracted to her.
As I stood there in shambles, I couldn’t suppress another loud sneeze, and the two of them turned to look at me.
I was caught in the act.
Caught spying on them.
I couldn’t even look at them; I just turned on my heel and ran away. I sped out of the kitchen and immediately ran into Logan, who managed to catch my arm as I hurried past him.
“So? Did you talk to him?”
I scowled at him. For a moment, I thought about making up some lie, but I immediately realized there would be no point. I shook my head as tears filled my eyes. I knew Logan could see how much pain I was in.
“I don’t feel good, Logan. You were right. I need to rest. I’m going upstairs to my old room.” I pulled myself out of his grasp and climbed the stairs as fast as I could, using up the small amount of strength I had left.
I threw the door open, and immediately, memories flooded me, shredded me, and devastated me. This was the room where we’d had our first “real” time together. The first time when we were both fully aware of what we were doing together because we were incapable of pulling free from the desire, the twisted, unhealthy connection that had drawn tight around us like a confining rope.
Miserable, I laid down on the four-poster bed and curled up into the fetal position, not even bothering to pull the covers over me.
I could feel the ache in my head pulsing, the cold sensation running up and down my body, my broken heart beating, and my tears slipping down my cheeks.
Now that I was there, I allowed myself to cry.
No one would see me there; no one would judge me.
I was alone.
I had finally lost Neil for good, and I had lost myself as well because I no longer had the strength to keep on fighting.
I closed my eyes and fell asleep with my chills for a blanket, my shivers for a caress, and my pain for a constant companion.
I slept for a long time until I felt a hand touching my forehead and stroking my hair.
