Though I’d felt otherwise when she’d first told me about him, I was becoming less enthusiastic now that they were actually starting a relationship. I felt like I’d already lost Matt, and I was afraid I was about to lose my mother as well. I was afraid that Anton—or some other guy—might take her away from me, and I felt like I couldn’t let that happen.
She was all that I had left. Without her, I was alone.
That was why I’d stopped asking her questions about her love life—I wasn’t sure I really wanted to hear the answers.
“Hi, Anton,” I said, smiling politely at him. His gray eyes dipped down to examine my clothing, and he lingered on my fuzzy slippers that Neil thought were so hideous, along with the rest of my wardrobe.
“Cute slippers,” he noted in a dry way that made me blush. If I had thought it at all likely that I was going to run into my mother and herfriend,I would have tried harder not to look like a twelve-year-old with her first broken heart.
“Thanks,” I answered, clearing my throat. He was obviously trying to make a good impression upon me, but since I admitted to myself that I was still possessive of my mother, no amount of charm from Anton was going to banish my fears of losing her.
“You should probably head out,” my mother told him, looping her purse over one shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the university,” she added with a little smile.
He moved toward her confidently, putting his hand on her hip and tilting his head like he was about to kiss her. In an instant, I was frozen, fearing the worst. I relaxed, though, when Anton pressed a brief kiss to her cheek and said simply, “Okay. See you tomorrow, Judith.”
I breathed a sigh of relief and nodded to him when he waved before walking back down the driveway to his car. I studied him as he walked away, his trim frame, elegant black coat, neat hair, and broad shoulders. He was definitely an appealing sort of man—perfect for my mother—but that didn’t mean it wasn’t still difficult to welcome him into my life.
Intoourlives, actually.
“Selene, come inside. You’re going to catch a cold,” my mother chided me, searching my face for whatever it was that I didn’t want to tell her. My mother had an innate gift for knowing when I was hiding something from her.
“Alyssa’s in the guest room; she came for a surprise visit,” I told her blandly. Typically, I would be more enthusiastic about that kind of thing, but, at that moment, I didn’t have it in me to fake anything more than absolutely required.
“Oh, that’s nice. How long is she staying?” she asked.
“I think she’s going back to New York tomorrow,” I answered, shrugging. My mother frowned slightly, probably at my indifference. I didn’t mind spending time with Alyssa, and I would have hosted her for days if that’s what she wanted, but I just couldn’t get past that kiss with Neil. I had barely been able to look at her mouth. I was bothered by the thought that her lips had made contact with my Disaster’s.
Mine.
It was delusional to think of Neil as mine, but the immature dreamer in me was clinging to that delusion.
“Okay. That’s fine. Now get inside,” she said sternly, and I shook my head.
“I’m going to stay out there for a little bit. I need to…” I fumbled for some plausible reason to remain outside. “I need to make a call,” I added hastily. She looked skeptically at the watch on her wrist and then back to me.
“At midnight?” she pressed, sounding concerned.
“Yup.” I nodded. “But if you keep giving me the third degree, I’m going to miss the call time and…”
“Okay, okay. I’ll wait inside for you.” She shook her head and went in the house, flipping on the porch light as she did.
It was a lie. I had no one to call.
My phone rested on the step between my legs. I stared at it. The idea of reaching out to Neil had crossed my mind more than once, but I had been the one to reach out last time. Like always, I set aside my own pride and accepted his disrespectful behavior. Because I was trying to make myself understand him and not judge him, especially after Logan told me a bit about his brother’s history.
I couldn’t always be the one to give in, though. I couldn’t just let him win and walk all over me.
I raised my index finger to my mouth and chewed on the fingernail. I felt unsettled and angry. I had a deep internal need to express my thoughts and feelings to him. I wanted to tell him how profoundly he had let me down with what he’d done. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind so I could expel those thoughts forever. I wanted to tell him to stop chasing me, to forget about me, and to try to make things right with Logan.
I wanted, wanted, wanted…and all the while I sat motionless, staring at my phone’s display, lacking the guts to pick it up and make the call.
I also confirmed the time. It was late, and Neil was probably asleep or, even worse, out with the Krew. He might have even been in bed with Jennifer.
I snorted as I kept casting insistent glances at my phone.
There was one voice inside me that said I ought to call him up and ream him out and another voice that said I should just let it all go and make a cleanbreak at last. I began to jog my knee up and down and anxiously adjusted the comforter around my shoulders until, with a heavy sigh, I snatched up my phone. Quickly, before I had time to change my mind, I scrolled through my recent calls for his number. He was one of the last people I’d called, so he was right near the top. I found his name and touched that ominous green call symbol, raising the phone to my ear.
I bitterly regretted my decision as soon as I made it, but I also couldn’t help but feel that getting this boulder off my chest might make me feel better. Lighter or more satisfied, maybe.
