After two rings, I squeezed my eyes shut in apprehension.
Two more, and I opened them again, worrying my lower lip relentlessly.
Another ring, and still nothing.
I was just about to hang up when I was stopped by the sound of his voice.
“Hello,” he answered.
I gulped, and it felt like my heart rose up in my throat only to sink back down into my chest. I concentrated on what I had to say to him, trying not to babble even though the sound of his labored breathing was distracting.
I pressed the phone against my ear more tightly to be sure I wasn’t hearing things, but no—Neil’s breathing was erratic and too fast.
What was he doing? Had he been…
“Don’t tell me you’re with a woman right now. I swear, I will fly to New York and kill you myself!” I leaped to my feet, allowing the comforter to fall to the porch floor. I didn’t even care that I was getting loud. It wasn’t jealousy that I was feeling but rage. Pure rage, because Neil thought he could just walk over everyone without sparing a single thought for their feelings, and it needed to stop. Alyssa was crushed, Logan was probably even worse off, and what was he worried about? Making time with some random blond?
His guttural laugh brought me back to the moment.
Was he seriously laughing at me? The balls on this man!
“Why the hell are you laughing? Dick!” I snarled, not caring if my neighbors, the Kampers or the Burns, could hear me.
“What is it, Tinkerbell? And hurry it up; I’ve got things to do,” he answered, sounding amused. I could even picture the smug little smirk on his too-perfect face.
“Hurry it up? Tell whoever you’re screwing that I need to talk to you and require your full attention!” I demanded furiously, and he chuckled again.
Since when did Neil laugh so much?
“Hold on, give me a minute to notify her,” he said with faux courtesy. So he really was with a woman, then? Just the thought of it made my stomach clench. In that moment, I felt like bringing out the worst insults I could conjure up, but instead I tried to control myself and project a certain aura.
“I won’t even give you thirty goddamn seconds!” I raged.
“Love the aggression, Babygirl. You’re going to spoil me if you keep going this way…” Neil lowered his voice to a sensual whisper, and, for a brief but intense moment, a shiver moved through me with the power of an electrical shock. I rested a hand on the porch railing next to me and breathed in deep, trying not to be seduced by him no matter how difficult that was.
“I’m not remotely in the mood for jokes, Neil. I have Alyssa here in tears because of you. Because of what you did to her—what you did to her and Logan both, actually. Aren’t you the least bit ashamed?” I demanded accusingly, and, on the other end of the phone, I finally heard the silence that I’d wanted all along. “How dare you just kiss her like that? Like she’s one of your blonds? You’ve hurt her and your brother and me too! Yeah, me too, because Alyssa is my friend, goddamn it!” I was getting louder again. I had never been so angry, not even when the Krew insulted and mocked me.
“You’ve created this deep rift between me and Alyssa and between Alyssa and Logan. Sometimes I have to wonder who you even are and if it’s right for me to continue to try to accept you the way you are. I wonder how far you’d actually go, how much harm you might do to other people. And, probably, to me as well. I wonder if it’s even possible for you to understand the way I feel about you or reciprocate in any way and if it wouldn’t be better just to let you go and live your life your way.
“I’m always asking myself these questions, Neil. I’ve gone against my principles for you, against my self-interest, my father, and anyone else who told me to stay away from you. I’ve never judged you, and I never will, but sometimes I think I need to stop trying to figure you out. Stop chasing you.You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. They have to save themselves. You should go on alone, and maybe…maybe that’s for the best. Sorry I wasn’t as strong as I thought.” The last words came out in a broken murmur, and I was honestly surprised I was able to finish my speech at all. I held my tears back in the hopes of convincing first myself and then him that I was making the right decision.
On the other end of the phone, there was nothing.
No sound, no breath, not a word or even so much as a syllable.
I immediately looked to see if Neil had hung up on me and saw that the call was still active. I hoped in that moment that he wouldn’t hang up. That he would say something—anything—to me and chase away the misery I felt inside.
This call was the lone, thin thread that still connected the two of us, one that I couldn’t bring myself to sever yet. I was really contradicting myself: My words didn’t remotely reflect my actual desires. Putting more distance between us wasn’t going to make me happier. I knew, though, that putting a stop to this pseudo-relationship was the right thing to do. I needed to let my Disaster go, even if it might mean losing him…maybe forever.
“N-Neil?” I stammered at him when the prolonged silence began to alarm me.
I made a face, and suddenly, the call ended.
The thread was snapped.
Neil hung up on me without even offering me the dignity of a response.
Had I hurt him? Or maybe he didn’t give a rat’s ass and had decided to run back to the one-night stand waiting for his attention?
