“Do you remember when you first left to travel, we agreed to hit the pause button until you got back?”I ask.
It’s one of many buried memories that have resurfaced since Fiona has been home.We both knew she planned to travel, to see what was out there and experience more of the world outside of Honeywell, but there was no doubt we loved each other.Neither of us knew what the future held, but I felt a deep certainty that her leaving would change things one way or another.She’d either get the travel bug out of her system and come back to Honeywell—tome—or she’d find what she’d always seemed to be missing, and would forge a completely new life on her own.
It would have been easier to have a clean break, but I wasn’t ready to let her go.And as much as she longed to see the world, I think part of her hoped she’d be satisfied with a few months of travelling, and would return to Honeywell ready to build a life with me.When I think of the younger versions of us, I want to laugh at how foolish we were.We were babies; our lives had barely even begun.All I knew was that I loved Fiona, I wanted to be with her, and I couldn’t stand the thought of losing her completely.
“I remember,” she says.“It feels like a lifetime ago.”
It does.We’re both completely different people now.And yet, god help me, I still want her as much as I did back then.The thoughts spinning in my mindproveI haven’t grown any wiser in the last year.Hell, maybe I haven’t grown any wiser in all the years that have passed since Fiona and I made that agreement.
“What if we hit the pause button again right now?”I ask.“I know it’s stupid and unrealistic, but I want to pause it all: the grief, the knowledge that you’ll be leaving soon, any thoughts of the past or future.I’ve never been good at living in the here and now, but I’d like to try.”
“Can you really do that, Nathan?”The doubt in her voice matches the uncertainty in her eyes.She knows me too well.
That doesn’t stop me from saying, “Yes.”
The way Fiona stares into my eyes makes me think she can read every thought in my head.She always seemed to know what I was thinking, sometimes even before I did.Finally, she shifts closer to me and rests her hands on my chest.“And what does this moment hold?”
“Us.You and me.Not who we were, not our history, not what we meant to each other.Not what happens tomorrow or next week or next month.Just us, right now.No expectations, no promises.”
Uncertainty lingers in her eyes.Her fingers flex on my chest as if she’s resisting the urge to fist my shirt like she did earlier.I inch closer to her, letting my lips hover over hers, giving her a chance to pull away.I both hear and feel her sigh as she brings her mouth to mine.The kiss is soft, tentative, and achingly sweet.
I break away and ease her back onto the floor once more.She grins up at me, and, oh god, I’m in so much trouble.Her smile wavers, and she bites her lip as I run my palms up the insides of her thighs, lifting her dress as I go until her yellow lace panties are exposed.
“Colour coordinated.I like it.”
Her lip pops free from between her teeth, and she smiles once more.“I got dressed today with you in mind.I remembered how you used to love it when I wore yellow.”
“Miss Murphy, were you hoping to seduce me?”
Her smile turns wicked.“It worked, didn’t it?”
“Mm.Happy birthday to me.”I reach up and finger a lock of her hair before letting my hand trail slowly down, over the curve of her breasts and stomach.“I always loved you in this colour because of the way it contrasted with your hair.The deep red paired with yellow always reminded me of that moment during a sunset when the sun meets the skyline.”
I don’t add that it also made me think of the next instant during a sunset, when it appears as if the sun is consumed by the horizon.That’s how Fiona always made me feel: consumed.
Her gaze is intent on my face, her expression soft and open.With our eyes locked, I glide my fingers over the damp material between her legs.She arches into my touch, so I do it again, then again until she lifts her hips in silent invitation for me to remove her underwear.
I take them off and cast them aside, fighting the temptation to stuff them into the pocket of my jeans.This pause is temporary; I don’t need any souvenirs.It’s not like I’ll ever be able to forget this moment anyway.
I position myself between Fiona’s legs and drag my fingers slowly through her wetness.She whimpers when I reach her clit, and echoes the sound when I lower my face to replace my fingers with my mouth.The next noise she makes sounds almost like a relieved sigh, and I think:Me too, Firefly, me too.I never thought I’d touch or taste Fiona like this again, and it feels oddly like a homecoming of sorts.
With my mouth at work between her legs, I inch a hand beneath her dress, revelling in the way her belly quivers under my touch.I cup her breast through the lacy fabric of her bra, wondering briefly if it matches the panties I discarded a moment ago.I pull the material down and roll her stiff nipple between my fingers.Fiona’s hands dive into my hair, moving gently at first, but quickly turning rough.She moans and writhes beneath me, clutching my hair, and rocking her hips against my mouth.
I release her breast and wrap my arms around her hips to hold her in place.Her frantic cries spur me on, and I become single-minded in my desire to bring her pleasure.I all but devour her, my lips and teeth and tongue working in tandem with my fingers.Her fists tighten in my hair, bordering on painful, but it serves to distract me from the deep, pulsing ache in my cock.
Her moans transition into incoherent words, and I know she’s almost there.I watch her beautiful face, completely mesmerized as she tumbles over the edge, my name falling from her lips in a breathless cry.
Her body is still quivering when she clutches at the front of my shirt and yanks me up to kiss her.It’s messy and breathless, both of us letting out twin moans of pleasure.One of her hands releases its death grip on my shirt to snake between us, going straight for my belt buckle.
With Herculean effort, I lay a hand over hers to stop her progress.Her glassy eyes and flushed cheeks chip away at my resolve.“Next time,” I tell her.
“But—”
“Next time,” I say more firmly, lifting her hand away from my belt.
“But the balance of orgasms is uneven,” she says.
I can’t help but laugh.“I’m not keeping score, Fiona, and neither should you.If we do this again, I want it to be somewhere more comfortable.Preferably a bed.”I sit up, kneeling between her legs once more.“Also, I know the treehouse was our place first, but I think of it as Rex’s now, and it feels a bit weird to have sex here.”
