One side of her mouth quirks up.“I owe it all to your mom.I felt so lost after Mr.Hernandez died.I had more than enough money to live on thanks to him, but I needed a purpose, and Mae gave it to me.”
I shift so I can see down the short hall and into Mum’s office.She’s sitting at her desk, glasses perched on her nose, staring blankly at a notebook in front of her.She shouldn’t be here.She’s not ready.But is it any better for her to sit at home, wearing Dad’s pajamas, and sniffing the bar of Irish Spring she’s taken to keeping by her bedside?Is it better to find her standing in front of Dad’s closet, her face buried in his shirts, or holding a framed picture of him and tracing his face as tears stream down her cheeks?
She’s done so much for so many people.She’s been the best mother anyone could ask for, an incredible wife, and a pillar in this town.She always knows the right thing to say, the right thing to do.I’m proof of that, and so is Aneesha.But I have no idea what to say or do for Mum now.How to ease the ache in her heart.I doubt anything would work anyway.
Aneesha taps my shoulder, and I nearly jump out of my skin.She gives me a look that’s part rueful, part sympathetic as she holds out a tray with two cups of coffee and two slices of cake.
“Chocolate caramel,” she says when she sees me eyeing the cake.“Mae’s current favourite.Apparently, it was a recipe your dad sweet-talked out of a chef in France.It was taken off the menu years ago, but I found it recently and gave it a try.Why don’t you take this in and sit with her for a bit?”
My throat tightens in a way that’s become familiar in the last couple of weeks.I take the tray, nodding a wordless thanks to Aneesha, who gives me a sweet smile.At the door to Mum’s office, I clear my throat since I can’t knock.It takes another try before she finally looks up, her eyes blank for a moment before they clear.
“Oh, Fiona.”She takes off her glasses and rubs her eyes.“How nice.Have a seat.”
I try for a light tone as I say, “Aneesha sent me in with this.She must be a mind reader; I needed a caffeine fix after our coffee mishap this morning.”
A smile ghosts over Mum’s face, there and gone so quickly I might have imagined it.“Maybe it’ll help me concentrate.This is all just—” She waves a hand at the notebook she’s abandoned, and I glance at it to see a list of supplies that need to be ordered.“It might as well be in Greek.”
“Well, lucky for you, I happen to read Greek,” I say.This time, the hint of a smile on Mum’s face lasts a second longer.“When I’m not leading tours, I work in the On the Go office, and one of my jobs is ordering supplies.Why don’t you let me handle that?”
“Oh, well...”Mum picks up her coffee and sniffs it as if she’s worried all coffee will betray her from now on.“I don’t know, Fi.”
“Mum.Come on.Even if I didn’t have several years of experience doing it in London, I used to do it when I worked here, remember?”Since I always planned to travel and didn’t expect my parents to foot the bill, they let me work here on weekends and evenings as soon as I was old enough.I also worked here during the summers, with a short break for my yearly trip to Ireland with Dad, as well as the entire year after I graduated from high school.“Sweet Escapes has always been the epitome of a family-run business.Between the three of us—”
She flinches, and my mouth snaps shut.The three of us.Mum and I have both made that slip countless times over the last few days, mentioning Dad as if he’s still here.As if he’s about to walk in and crack a joke, or ask for help with something, or read us a line from his newest manuscript.Each time, it’s like a simultaneous slap to the face and punch to the heart.Almost like losing him all over again.
Mum slides one of the plates toward herself and surprises me by digging in.“Good cake,” she murmurs around a mouthful.I watch her, aware that she’s purposely avoiding my eyes.After another bite, she pushes the notebook across the desk, her gaze flicking to mine before returning to her plate.“I’d be grateful for the help.I’ll try to find something else to do that won’t be so disastrous if my muddled brain screws it up.”
A small laugh escapes me.The tight band around my heart and lungs eases a fraction every time I see these glimmers of the woman I know.I’m aware the healing process takes time, just like I’m prepared for the fact nothing will ever be the same again.Mum’s heart will never fully mend.Mine won’t either.You can’t love someone like Seamus Murphy—someone who was larger than life and touched so many lives so deeply—and then lose him and expect to ever be the same again.It’s just not possible.
But Mum and I have each other.We can lean on and draw strength from one another until we’re strong enough to stand on our own.
I lay my hand briefly on hers before picking up the notebook and perusing it.We eat our cake and finish our coffee in silence, and then I take our dishes to the kitchen, where I thank Aneesha and tell her it was exactly what we needed.
After making the first couple of phone calls, I realize Mum was right about staying busy being a good thing.I love talking to people on the phone, shooting the breeze in between business matters.I even offer to work the counter for a bit so Regina, a young woman who has worked here for ages, can take a break.I’m in my element dealing with people.Even in a town like Honeywell Hollow, where many of the residents who know me approach the counter with indifference and barely make eye contact as they order, I still feel better than I have the last few days sitting around the house and focusing on nothing but the hollow emptiness that’s taken up residence in my chest.
By mid-afternoon my stomach is rumbling.Despite the cinnamon roll at home and Aneesha’s delicious chocolate caramel cake mid-morning, I could go for some lunch.I find Mum in her office, clacking away at the keyboard of her computer.
“You ready to head home soon?”I ask.
She peers up at me from over the frames of her glasses.“I’m actually kind of in the zone right now, believe it or not.I hate to leave with this only partway done.You can head out if you want to, though.”
“I was thinking of going for a walk and maybe stopping for a slice at the pizzeria.Want anything?”
Mum’s focus is already back on the computer screen.“Regina said something about setting aside a ham and cheese sandwich for me, but I’ll get it in a few minutes.Thanks, honey.”
I grab my jacket from where I left it on the spare chair in Mum’s office, and head out into the brisk spring afternoon.The sound of excited voices and laughter carries on the breeze from the direction of the playground at the nearby park.I jog across the street and linger at the fence for a minute before going through the gate and finding an unoccupied bench off to the side.I didn’t play here much as a kid since our backyard had a swing-and-slide set, plus the treehouse, but I’ve always loved watching kids play.
I’m lost in thought, smiling to myself as I watch a tiny girl chase an older boy, when a shadow falls over me.My head snaps up, and my eyes meet Nathan’s.Or at least I assume they do since his are covered by dark sunglasses.My initial surprise at seeing him intensifies when he sits beside me.Nathan Holbrook willingly sitting with me?I never thought I’d see the day.
“Isn’t it a little creepy to sit in a park and watch kids play when you don’t have a kid here yourself?”he asks.
I have to admit, I appreciate that he didn’t lead with a sympathetic comment or ask how I’m doing.My grief is ever present, and the constant reminders from others makes it worse.Of course Nathan would understand that, though.He’s grieving as much as I am.
“Says the childless guy sitting with me,” I say.
Nathan points toward a little girl in a rainbow jacket with a matching hat and rubber boots—an interesting fashion choice given the sun is shining, and there’s no rain in the forecast.As I watch, Rex sneaks up behind her and taps her on the shoulder.There’s a beat of stillness before the pair take off, chasing each other around the playground, their laughter ringing through the air.
“The little girl is Billie,” Nathan says.“She and her parents moved in down the street from Thea and Rex at the beginning of the year.She’s about half Rex’s age, but they became friends immediately.He’s really good with her.”
