CHAPTER ONE ~ FIONA
It takes every ounce of self-control I possess, but I resist the urge to burst out of the conference room and slam the door behind me.If it were possible for a person to be fuming mad, I’d have giant, billowing clouds of steam following in my wake as I stride down the corridor.
Sanjay, who slipped from the hearing the minute the verdict was announced, is loitering by the front doors of the office building.His fingers tap an erratic beat against the leg of his trousers, a sure sign he’s antsy for a cigarette.His lips twitch and lift when he sees me.I’m not a violent person, but I’d give anything to wipe that smug smile off his face, preferably with a good, hard slap.I can’t believe I used to swoon over this douchebag, with his magazine-worthy hair, chocolate brown eyes framed by long lashes, and a firm body kept in shape with swimming, yoga, and hiking.
The sight of him makes my skin crawl now.
His eyes widen as I approach without slowing my pace.Knowing him, he’s desperate to have the last word—one final self-righteous parting jab to rub the results of the hearing in my face.He steps in front of the exit seconds before I reach it, forcing me to stop so quickly my black flats skid on the polished tile.
“I’m sorry it came to this, Fiona.Really, I am.”He’s using the conciliatory tone he employs on clients when he tells them the tour company we work for won’t be able to refund them if they leave early due to homesickness, or that a certain element of a tour has been cancelled because of unforeseen circumstances.I used to think that tone hit the right balance of sincere and authoritative; now it sounds patronizing.The barely-suppressed smirk twitching at the corners of his mouth doesn’t help.
I scoff, rolling my eyes.“Please.If you had it your way, I would have been fired completely, not just put on suspension.”
“That’s not true.”Sanjay crosses his arms over his chest.The pose is so defensive it makes me wonder what my expression is.I’ve never been good at schooling my face, so it’s likely obvious I’d take great pleasure in clawing his eyes out.
“You’re one of On the Go Travels’ best tour guides, Fiona,” he continues, still in that annoyingly placating tone.“A true asset to the company.Plus, I know how much this job means to you.I just thought...well...”He waves a hand around, as if hoping to grasp the words from thin air.“I thought it was time you were reined in a bit.I know you’re not the only one who breaks the rules, but now that you’ve been suspended, maybe it’ll be a warning to the other guides.We don’t want On the Go to get a reputation asthat kind of business.”
My hands twitch at my sides.His words basically confirm my suspicions: the higher-ups, likely encouraged by Sanjay, used this hearing and my overly-harsh punishment to ‘set an example’.My vision is a wash of crimson, with black spots creeping in around the periphery.As much as I’d love to slap the smirk right off Sanjay’s face, it would only make things worse.Lose-my-job-entirely worse.So I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and count slowly to ten.
Sanjay says my name, then repeats it a moment later.After the third time, his voice holds a hint of concern.
When I open my eyes, my vision has mostly cleared, and my pulse is no longer pounding out a salsa rhythm throughout my body.“Please get out of my way,” I say from between clenched teeth.“Or I won’t be held responsible for messing up that pretty face of yours.”
One of Sanjay’s eyebrows quirks, and that damn self-satisfied leer returns.“Always were a feisty one, weren’t you, Fi?”He steps closer, invading my personal space.He lifts a hand as if to touch my face, but I block him with my forearm, satisfaction rushing through me at the lightslapof skin on skin.I would never actually resort to violence, no matter how angry I am, but Icandefend myself against unwanted advances.Sanjay’s eyes widen, and he retreats once more, bumping into the glass door behind him.
Now it’s my turn to advance on him.His eyes grow so wide, it would almost be comical if my blood wasn’t starting to boil again.“You’re right, Jay, Iamfeisty,” I say, proud of how even and casual my voice is.“I seem to remember you particularly appreciating that fact over the years when we found ourselves alone in hotel rooms or back rooms of private clubs.Remember that rave in Prague a few years ago?”
I inch closer, catching a glimpse of Sanjay’s dazed expression as I lower my lashes so I don’t have to look at his face.“Remember that black leather dress I wore with the fishnet stockings?When you found out I wasn’t wearing panties, you nearly lost your mind.I had bruises on my thighs for a week from how hard you gripped me when you took me against the wall.Remember?”
Sanjay swallows audibly, his Adam’s apple jerking up and down repeatedly.His dark skin is infused with a deep flush, and his pupils are dilated as he says, “Yeah, I remember.I’ll probably never forget.”He lets out a breathy laugh, and I join him for the briefest moment before wiping all expression from my face.
“I hope that memory keeps you warm at night, because I certainly won’t be doing that job ever again.”
He’s so stunned, it’s easy to slip past him.I push through the doors and out into the cool spring day.The familiar noise and bustle of London hits me: cars, red double-decker buses, and bicycles zoom past, along with swarms of people speaking in every language and accent imaginable.I let the familiarity of it comfort me as I wade into the crowd.
Instinct takes over as I weave between camera-wielding tourists with expressions ranging from gleeful to overwhelmed, groups of teenagers in school uniforms, and locals going about their everyday routines.I duck inside the nearest tube station, experiencing the same rush I always do the moment I step onto the impossibly steep escalator that descends into the bowels of the city.Even though I’ve taken these escalators hundreds of times, I’ll never forget the first time I approached one and it took me several tries to work up the courage to step on.I wouldn’t say I had an actual fear of heights, but whatever you’d call it, I managed to conquer it pretty quickly out of necessity.
I only have to wait a few minutes on the platform before my train arrives.By some miracle, I find a half-empty car with a row of seats far from any other passengers.Once I’ve collapsed into a seat, I finally allow myself to think about the last hour andonlythe last hour.Not…everything else.
I also allow my facade to slip for the first time since I left the house this morning.Exhaustion settles over me like a lead blanket, and I close my tired, gritty eyes.I breathe in slowly through my nose and out through my mouth in an attempt to regulate my erratic heartbeat and calm my nervous system.I have no idea how I managed to keep it together during the hearing.Everyone at On the Go has always known me as confident and self-assured, and I didn’t want them to see anything different today, despite the fact my life was turned upside down and my heart was cracked open three days ago.
Those cracks widened when the decision was announced: two months’ suspension.Two fucking months.Right before the beginning of the busy tourist season.
How did this happen?How did Iletthis happen?I’ve been working as a tour guide for On the Go Travels for nearly eight years.During initial training and again during special seminars for guides, we’re drilled about sexual harassment: how to handle unwanted advances from clients and coworkers alike, and how to avoid being accused of harassment ourselves.Until a couple of months ago, there was no technical‘rule’regarding physical relationships with clients, although we were encouraged to use discretion so it didn’t reflect badly on the company or give them an unfavourable reputation.
Most guides will agree that we get hit on and flirted with quite a bit, but for me, the interest is rarely mutual.In the past, when it happened and I acted on it, I never felt guilty.With what I consider one of the best careers in the world, my life revolves around my job, which makes it hard to meet guysoutsideof work.When work and life meet in the middle, who am I to turn down an opportunity?
But the policy changed when one of the guides was accused of sexual harassment, and the rules were rewritten to include ‘no inappropriate fraternization with clients’.I had every intention of following that rule...until a month ago, when I was guiding a group of twenty people on a tour from London to Paris, and there was a terrorist attack on our second-last day.I’d already spent a little over a week with the group, so I knew them pretty well; during the half-day we spent locked in the ballroom of a hotel that wasn’t even the one we were staying at, we got to know each other even better.
When it was deemed safe for us to leave, all twenty-one of us spilled into the streets of Paris and stuck close together, unwilling to part ways after what we’d experienced.Filled with a mixture of adrenaline and gratitude for our safety, we roamed the streets, stuffing ourselves with crêpes, ice cream, and French pastries.With emotions running high, many of us kept randomly bursting into tears or spontaneously throwing our arms around each other.
From the first day of the trip, I had an innocent flirtation with a cute Aussie named Matt.During lockdown, he helped me keep everyone calm by telling hilarious stories about his travels, and encouraging others to tell their own tales.As we wandered around Paris that evening, he took my hand, and I didn’t pull away, despite knowing I should.Upon finally returning to our hotel for the night, Matt helped me ensure everyone was settled and had what they needed.He then offered to walk me to my room, his eyes heavy with meaning and his hand clasping mine, and I didn’t hesitate to say yes.
When Matt left my room early the next morning, Sanjay was waiting in the hall.He was the guide on a tour from Paris to Amsterdam, and had wanted to check in to make sure everything was okay.His smug smile as he watched Matt kiss me goodbye and walk away told me I was in trouble.Sanjay and I had an on-again-off-again, friends-with-benefits type relationship for the past few years, mostly when we co-hosted large tours or our tours overlapped in the same cities.
We were never exclusive, and there were never romantic feelings involved, at least for me, but over the last year, I’d grown tired of his ‘I have seniority over you’ attitude toward me and many of the other guides.He never thought twice about pulling strings with our bosses to get first dibs on the best tours or finagle extra days off, even when it meant inconveniencing other guides.
A few months ago, I came to the conclusion our time together had run its course after witnessing him humiliate a coworker in front of a tour group by calling her out for a minor mistake.When Sanjay assured me I’d regret the decision, I thought he imagined me changing my mind and crawling back to him.I never anticipated him sinking so low as to report me to our bosses for inappropriate conduct with a client.
