“Want to take a walk out back?”I ask.
At Nathan’s nod, we don our shoes, and head to the backyard.Without a word, we bypass the treehouse and continue down to the creek.I stuff my hands in my pockets so I won’t be tempted to reach for Nathan’s hand.He’s been friendly all evening, but he hasn’t revealed even a hint at how this conversation will go.After the way we left things three weeks ago, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous.That’s not going to stop me from laying my heart at his feet one more time, though.
The minute we reach the bridge, Nathan turns to face me.“I need to tell you something, Fiona.”
“I want to hear what you have to say, but can I go first?”I ask, my voice shaking slightly.“I’ve been planning this speech for the last week, and I need to get it out.”
One side of his mouth curves up, and he nods.
I suck in a deep breath and let it out in a rush.“I’ve missed you, Nathan.I’ve missed yousomuch.And I don’t just mean these last few weeks, I mean all the years we’ve been apart, even when I wouldn’t allow myself to admit it.Watching you walk away that night in the treehouse was one of the most painful moments of my life.I felt like I was losing you, along with a piece of myself.
“I spent a lot of time thinking about you, and us, and the future while I was away.So much has changed over the years, and especially in the last two months, but one thing that hasn’t changed is that I love you.”
The words tumble from my mouth so fast, I can barely catch my breath.I don’t expect Nathan to tell me he loves me too, but I see it painted across his face.There’s an openness that wasn’t there before.His gaze is soft and searching.Hopeful.
“I’m planning to stay in Honeywell for a while,” I tell him.“I still want us to figure out how to build a life together that works for both of us.I don’t know what that will look like, but I do know I don’t want to live without you anymore.I know you’re a planner and you probably hate the idea of leaving our future up in the air, but I have faith we can figure it out.I just need you to take a leap with me, Nathan.”
His head cocks to the side, a strange expression passing across his features.“Murph encouraged me to do the same thing: take a leap.”
“Daddid?What?When?”
He hesitates, the skin around his eyes tightening as if he knows what he’s about to say will hurt me.“He sent me another letter.It came in the mail from his lawyer last week.”
I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me.Dad wrote Nathantwoletters.He wrote Mila a letter too.A small voice in my head asks ‘why not me?’ but now isn’t the time to examine this bereft sensation.“Wow.That’s…wow.Did he suggest a particular direction to take this leap?”
Nathan chuckles.“Ireland.He knew I’d be making excuses for why I couldn’t or shouldn’t go.It’s funny, because Mae and Liam hadjustgiven me a pep talk about going to Ireland and then I went home and the letter was waiting for me.It felt like everything and everyone was pointing me toward Ireland, so…I’m going.”
“You’re…going.To Ireland.”It comes out flat with shock, a pair of statements rather than questions.
“I leave next week.I’m planning to stay for a month, but I’m open to being flexible.Or at least I’m open to being open.Baby steps, you know?”
The sound that spills from my lips is a weak approximation of a laugh.All my careful plans, all my visions of Nathan and me building a life together, were for nothing.I feel so foolish.How could I expect him to agree to be with me, especially after how we left things three weeks ago?
“That’s great, Nathan.”My voice only shakes a bit, which I take as a win.“I’m really proud of you.Dad would be too.”I suddenly understand how Nathan must have felt last month when he asked for space.It’s too hard to be this close to him when all I want to do is touch him and kiss him and beg him to be with me.Too hard to be surrounded by his familiar scent, with the weight of those beautiful eyes on me as I look anywhere but him.
“Have you hired a business manager yet?For your new business?”
The unexpected question has me blinking in confusion.“No, not yet.We’ve been on the hunt, but we haven’t found the right person.”
“That’s good,” he says.I’m taken aback even more now than I was by his initial question until he adds, “Because it turns out I’m available for the position after all.”
“You…what?”For a moment, I wonder if I stuffed myself so much at dinner that I fell asleep at the table, and this is all a bizarre dream.
Nathan’s lips twitch.“I know you just got back, but I want you to come to Ireland with me.It scares the shit out of me not to have a long-term plan, but it scares me even more to think about a life without you.I’ve done it before, and I have no desire to do it again.”
He steps forward and takes my hands, gliding his thumbs over my knuckles.“Let’s go to Ireland and live in the cottage like Murph wanted.We can explore Ardmore, travel together,betogether.There’s still so much we need to learn about each other as adults, and this would be the perfect opportunity.Mila can come stay with us if she wants, and the three of us can start making plans for the business.”
Something moves in the corner of my eye.A flash of light, followed by another, and another.Fireflies.It’s too early in the year for them, and yet there they are, winking in the darkness.A sign, a confirmation, a green flag.
Nathan’s grip tightens on my hands, drawing my gaze back to his.The way he’s smiling at me makes my knees wobble.“You asked me to take a leap with you, and now I’m asking you to do the same,” he says.“Let’s leap together.I love you, Fiona.I want to be your best friend and your lover and your partner, both in life and in business.And if you’ve changed your mind about us working together and you want to hire someone else, that’s fine.I’ll still be your biggest, loudest cheerleader.What do you say?”
I let out a breathless laugh as tears stream down my face.Nathan’s smile ticks up a notch.“I thought I was going to have to convince you to come with me.Maybe even beg and plead.”
One of his eyebrows quirks.“What exactly would that look like?Just out of curiosity?”
I yank one hand free to swat his arm.Eyes gleaming, he catches my hand and brings it to his mouth to brush a kiss over my knuckles.
“My point is, it seems like neither of us needs any persuading,” I say.“I want to build a life and a home and a business with you too, whatever that looks like.”
