“Okay. It’s pretty simple: Spencer likes you and you like Spencer. I know you each have your own things that are holding you back, but you can’t live like that forever. Spencer’s been really good to me. Tobothof us. If he can’t come, he can’t come, but if it wereme, I’d feel crappy if I wasn’t at least given the option. Basically: get out of your own way and call him. If I’ve learned anything from watching these ridiculous, cheesy, cliché movies, it’s that Christmas is a time for love and miracles.” Her eyes twinkle as she speaks. “Maybe spending Christmas with Spencer would be the start of your own love story.”
I can’t deny watching the type of movies we did tonight fills me with hope that I’ll someday find my own true love. What if Jordy is right and inviting Spencer is the thing that finally sets things into motion? Nothing else has seemed to work. Or…alternatively, maybe it would be the thing that shows me it’s time to move on and accept that friendship is all I’ll ever have with Spencer. Either way, it would be good to know, wouldn’t it?
I let out a sigh that ends on a groan. “What am I going to do when you’re not here to guide me?”
“You’ll be fine,” she says immediately. “Just likeI’llbe fine, as scared as I am to start over in a new place.” She jerks her chin toward my phone. “Call him. You don’t know if you don’t ask.”
I dial Spencer’s number, feeling a rush of nervous excitement. It quickly turns to disappointment when the line switches over to voicemail. I leave a message, telling him it’s important I talk to him tonight, and asking him to call me back as soon as he can. When I hang up, I casually suggest to Jordy that she call him in case he’s screening his calls and avoiding me, but her call goes to voicemail too.
Setting my phone on the table so I won’t be tempted to look at it every five seconds, I pick up a pad of paper and a pen. “Let’s make a menu and a shopping list, shall we?”
Jordy and I head to bed a little over an hour later. Instead of images of sugar plums dancing in my head, I’m pretty sure I’ll be dreaming about peeling endless potatoes and finding enough cutlery and chairs for everyone.
And just like the night of my birthday, I go to bed without hearing back from Spencer.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
The next morning, Jordy and I agree to divide and conquer: she’ll stay at the house and clean while I head to the grocery store to tackle our rather daunting list.
I had a missed call from Spencer this morning when I woke up, although he didn’t leave a message. I put him out of my mind as I make my way around the crowded grocery store, filling my cart with what looks like enough food to feed an army. I told Jordy I want to go all out and make today as special and memorable as possible. In my mind, I’m doing this for her, but my heart knows it’s as much for me as anything. I need this last hoorah with her, and to be surrounded by the people I love in the home I’ve worked so hard to make my own. Hopefully those memories will carry me through when the loneliness of an empty house sets in.
I’m perusing the frozen vegetables and pondering whether I want to buy canned cranberry sauce or attempt to make it myself when someone comes up beside me and stands way too close. I inch away, eyes on the frozen peas. The person inches along with me.
Swallowing an exasperated sigh, I lift my head and meet a pair of familiar dark blue eyes.
“Spencer.”
“Hello, Hollie.” He has one of the store’s baskets looped over his arm. I catch a glimpse of a frozen dinner and a bagged salad before I snap my gaze back to his. “How are you?”
Some snarky little part of me wants to snap at him for making small talk after avoiding me all week. Then I remember what Jordy said last night. “I’m fine, thanks. How are you?”
“I’m well. Sorry I missed your call last night. I phoned early this morning, but hung up when I realized it was far too early to be calling. I hope I didn’t wake you.”
Well, that explains why he didn’t leave a voicemail. “I always silence my phone overnight.”
“Smart. I meant to try again, but…got sidetracked.” His eyes move past me and he shifts from foot to foot. “I apologize for avoiding you this week. I’d like to claim it’s because I was busy making travel plans, but I admit I was embarrassed after what happened at your birthday party. I hope I’ll be able to make it up to you when I return from England.”
“You don’t have to wait that long. If you’re not busy tonight, Jordy and I are hosting an impromptu Christmas dinner at my place. That’s actually why I called you last night—to invite you.”
His eyes widen. When the surprise clears, he gives me a pained smile. “Oh, that’s…that’s lovely. I appreciate the invitation, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to decline.”
Not that he owes me an explanation, but I wait a few beats in case he offers one. When he doesn’t, realization hits me like a blow to the stomach: I can’t keep doing this. As much as I like Spencer, I need to get off this roller coaster.
“Okay, that’s fine.” I cringe at how chirpy my voice sounds. “Well, safe travels and Merry Christmas. I hope you enjoy your time with your family and get everything sorted out. Thanks for everything you’ve done for Jordy; she appreciates it more than you know. I’d better get going, this dinner won’t cook itself. Unfortunately. Ha!” I grip the handle of the grocery cart to keep from smacking myself in the forehead after that embarrassing display of word vomit.
I can’t pinpoint Spencer’s expression. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear there was a hint of devastation there. He stammers out a string of words for a moment before snapping his mouth shut and clearing his throat. “I hope we’ll be able to speak while I’m away.”
I give a helpless little shrug. “Maybe. I guess we’ll see, right?”
His resigned nod makes me want to burst into tears right here in the frozen vegetable aisle. “Yes, we’ll see. Happy Christmas, Hollie.”
With a final forced smile, I bolt away without looking back. Thankfully, I was already almost finished shopping, so I mindlessly add the final items to my cart and hurry to the checkout, eager to return to the warm embrace of my home and my chosen family.
After waiting in line for nearly ten minutes, it takes me ages to load all my purchases on the conveyor belt. I watch my items pile up on the far side, wondering how quickly I can bag stuff before the next person’s purchases come flying down the line. I pay as quickly as possible, then bolt to bag my groceries, wishing I’d taken the time to drive across town to the store where cashiers still bag your items as they go.
As I’m loading the first set of bags into my shopping cart, Spencer walks by, having used the self-checkout for his few items. He smiles and nods at me as he passes, and I give him a distracted smile in return. Whatever he sees on my face has him backtracking. Without a word, he takes one of my reusable bags and starts methodically adding items to it, reminding me of one of my favorite childhood video games, Tetris.
“I really appreciate your help,” I tell him as I toss a ten-pound bag of potatoes into my cart. “I’m not used to buying so much.”
