Spencer looks pained. “But we’re friends, aren’t we? You’d travel with your friends, wouldn’t you? Youhavetraveled with them. This wouldn’t be any different. I have a spare bedroom in my flat; we could spend as much time together as possible, and otherwise you could come and go as you please.”
I allow myself a moment more with the images in my head, attempting to replace the ones of us kissing and holding hands with ones of us together as friends.Justfriends. I much prefer the previous imaginings. “What if Iwantedit to be different?”
It’s only when his hands drop from my arms that I realize he was even still holding onto me. The space between us has hardly changed, but it feels like a gaping canyon now. “Hollie, I care about you very much…”
Someone calls my name from a few feet away. I’m not sure whether I’m disappointed or relieved. Maybe it’s better not to know how that sentence was going to end. “I should go.” I take a step back, suddenly eager to put more distance between us. “Thank you for the invitation, Spencer, but I’m going to have to decline.” I hate how formal and stiff my voice is. In an attempt to mask my confusion and hurt, I smile, although I suspect it looks more like a grimace.
“I understand,” he says. “Happy birthday, Hollie. It’s a lovely party, and I’ve enjoyed watching you have fun with your friends. Thank you for inviting me.”
There’s a finality to his tone that turns my stomach. “You’re leaving? It’s still early.”
“I think it’s for the best.”
I don’t bother arguing. It’s been such a great day and tonight has been wonderful so far. I can’t let this interaction spoil that. I muster up another smile and thank him for coming. We share a surprisingly long hug that’s nearly my undoing, and then Spencer brushes a barely-there kiss on my cheek before striding away.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I stagger back toward the dance floor. By some miracle, no one seems to have noticed I was gone or witnessed the exchange between Spencer and me. People are still arriving, which is shocking to me. I expected there to be maybe a dozen people here tonight, but there’s easily three times that many—friends and acquaintances from work, plus people I’ve befriended through my three best friends.
Two such people enter the room now and head straight for me: Felicity Levesque, Leland’s younger sister and Stella’s new boss at FandomTown, and Sylvie Bell, someone I vaguely knew in high school, but who has become a friend of the group since Stella met up with her again last month at an informal high school reunion.
“Happy birthday!” they chorus, taking turns hugging me. “Sorry we’re late,” Felicity adds, followed by an accurate observation from Sylvie: “You look like you need a drink. The birthday girl should never be without a drink! What can I get you?”
I’ve turned down the last several people who have made a similar offer, but after my encounter with Spencer, I wouldn’t mind letting the world go a little fuzzy for a while. I’ve never been one to drink past my limit, especially considering my dad became an alcoholic, making the thought of drowning my sorrows seem like a slippery slope. I deserve to celebrate and let loose, though, right? People keep telling me that. Besides, someone will be driving me home, and I have the day off tomorrow.
“A Manhattan, please.”
“You got it,” Sylvie says. “We’ll meet you on the dance floor in a few minutes.”
I wade through the crowd, pausing to talk to people. When I find Jordy, I pull her close and speak directly into her ear so no one else can hear. “Would it upset you if I got drunk?”
She lets out a bewildered laugh. “You’re kidding, right? It’s your birthday and we’re at a bar. I pretty much expected you would.”
“I don’t usually,” I tell her. “And I didn’t plan to tonight, especially with you here. Seems pretty irresponsible.”
She scoffs, although something in her eyes tells me she understands why I’m asking. “It’s fine, Hollie, I promise. As long as you don’t, like, start dancing on tables or anything, we’re good.”
Sylvie and Felicity arrive, and Sylvie hands me a drink. I introduce them to Jordy, and soon we’re all dancing and I’m pushing every last thought of Spencer to the back of my mind. I lose myself in the music once more, moving through the crowd to dance with different people, and posing for pictures with friends. Eventually, I end up in a loose circle with Louisa, Hollie, Evie, and Jordy. Leland and Fergus vacated the dance floor awhile ago in favor of sitting with Wesley while he does his DJ thing.
Stella glances at my empty hands and makes the universal sign for taking a drink, eyebrows raised in question. I’m feeling pleasantly buzzed while still being aware of my surroundings and knowing I’ll remember every second of this night.
“One more,” I say, and follow her when she heads for the bar.
“I could have got it,” she says when she realizes I’m following her.
“It’s okay, I need a break.” I flop onto one of the barstools and let out a sigh that ends on a groan. It feels good to be off my feet. “This has been thebestnight, Stella. Thank you so much for putting this together. All of you.”
Without even ordering, the bartender sets a Manhattan in front of me and a beer in front of Stella. We thank him and toast each other before sipping our drinks.
“I’m glad you’re having fun,” she says. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you let loose like you have tonight.”
“I can’t even remember the last time Idid. Not gonna lie, I needed it.”
“Here, here.” Stella taps her glass against mine again. She peers at me over the rim, her eyes narrowing slightly. “I couldn’t help but notice a rather intimate moment between you and Spencer earlier. It seemed…fraught.”
Silly me, thinking nobody had noticed. “Fraught is a very good word.” At the sound of laughter behind us, I turn to see Wesley, Leland, and Fergus still in their little cluster. Wes and Leland’s heads are thrown back in laughter while Fergus tells an animated tale. I turn back to find Stella watching them with a small, affectionate smile. An unbidden wave of envy washes over me. I’m so happy for Evie and Stella, and I love Wesley and Leland, but watching my friends pair off hasn’t exactly been easy.
I obviously knew it would happen eventually, and we’ve all had relationships—Stella was even married until earlier this year—but this feels different. Ihopeit’s different, for both their sakes. I want Wes and Leland to be forever loves for Evie and Stella, to be permanent fixtures in all our lives. Fergus too if Louisa could allow herself to see what the rest of us do: she and Fergus are perfect for each other and her crush isn’t as one-sided as she’d like to believe.
