“Nobodyexpects you to skate if you’re not ready,” Fergus says. “And Iguarantee you not a single one of your mates will think less of youif you stick to the dance floor tonight. Although I’m sure I don’tneed to tell you that.”
His words confirmmy assumption that someone already filled him in on why we’re at aroller skating event and not actually roller skating.
“I knowhow trauma can mold you into something you never thought you’d be,”he continues when I don’t say anything. “Something you mightnotwantto be.”The way he says this makes me believe he’s speaking fromexperience. I don’t think now is the time to dig into Fergus’spersonal history, though, as much as I may want to.
His gaze movespast the rink to sweep the dance floor, and I know he’s seeking outLouisa. I also know when he’s found her by the way his expressionshifts just slightly. He may have been referencing the two of us,but his face tells me he’s aware of Louisa’s history too: hermother’s death when we were fourteen, the way her overprotectivedad kept her sheltered as his misguided way of keeping her safe,and the anxiety she developed as a result.
As Fergus watchesLouisa, his expression softens into something tender andaffectionate. Seeing it almost feels voyeuristic, like I’mwitnessing something private. Whenever any of us bring up Fergus asa romantic prospect to Louisa, she dodges the topic or brushes usoff, claiming someone like Fergus would never see her that way. Andyet it’s obvious to everyone but her that he does, in fact, see herthat way.
Fergus’s attentionreturns to me. “The thing is, it’s your decision whether to remainin that same old mold or to evolve. And choosing to evolve meansyou get to decide who you want to be.” He drains the contents ofhis glass and sets it on the bar, his lips twitching slightly as hemeets my eyes once more. “But again, I have a feeling I’m nottelling you anything you don’t already know.”
“Sometimes it helps to have a reminder.” And sometimes,strangely, it helps when that reminder comes from someone you don’tknow well. Someone who doesn’t have intimate knowledge of who youused to be and yet, for whatever strange and wonderful reason,believes in you.
This man is a raretreasure and my sweet little Baby Spice had better scoop him upbefore someone else does.
I slideoff my stool and stand in front of Fergus, planting my hands on hisshoulders. The way his eyes widen in surprise makes me want tolaugh. “I amreallyglad Hollie introduced you into our group, Fergus MacKinnon.”I plant a noisy kiss on his cheek. “Now, would you mind telling thegirls I’m ready to skate? And will you join us?”
He laughs softly,covering one of my hands with his. “Of course.”
Fergus departs,and I contemplate ordering another shot. Probably not the best ideato add too much alcohol to the mix during my first time on skatesin almost two decades. I catch a glimpse of movement in the cornerof my eye, and suddenly Leland is leaning on the bar besideme.
“ShouldI be jealous of that exchange with Fergus?” he asks, the dancingmirth in his eyes belying his earnest expression.
I mirror Leland’sposture, facing him while leaning on the bar. I formulate a sassyresponse that will make him laugh, a joke about how amazing Fergusis and how Leland should watch out. But what actually comes out iscloser to the truth: “You have nothing to worry about. You’re theonly man for me.”
I suckin a breath as soon as the words pass my lips. Thankfully, a swellin the music covers the sound. I stop breathing in the seconds thatpass before Leland’s face morphs into a bright smile. He takes myhand, lifting it to brush his lips over my knuckles. I’m sure it’smy imagination—ithasto be my imagination—but I could swear Leland’s expressionholds the same tender affection as Fergus’s did a few moments agowhen he was looking at Louisa.
Am I as in denialas Louisa is? Is it possible Leland is developing real feelings forme and I’m letting my own fears prevent me from seeingit?
As myfriends rush over to join us, it becomes clear now isn't the timefor answers. But itistime to conquer a different fear. As my stomach rolls withnerves, I wish I’d opted for that second shot of vodka afterall.
*****
I can’t stoplaughing. And crying. And singing along to every single song mybrother plays as if my life depends on it.
The first fewminutes on the skates were touch and go. It felt awkward anduncomfortable and, since my core strength is nowhere near what itonce was, balance was definitely an issue with my uneven legs. Butthen Leland took my hand and, even though I still felt like onewrong move would send my legs out from under me, I knew I could doit.
We kept close tothe low outside walls of the rink so we wouldn’t hinder otherpeople’s skating, and Leland let me set the pace. My friends stuckclose, calling out encouraging words and taking turns holding myfree hand. Even Fergus swooped in at one point to hold my hand,which I’m sure made for an interesting picture. I’m also certainthere were points when I looked like a toddler learning to walk,but instead of the embarrassment I expected to feel, I was filledwith endless love and gratitude for my friends.
Before long, I hadthe confidence to pick up the pace. I didn’t release Leland’s hand,though, and he never made any move to let go of mine. I have noidea how long we’ve been sailing around the rink, but thatlong-forgotten sensation of flying hit me awhile ago, and I feellike I could keep going all night.
“Mylegs are turning to jelly,” Evie says, skating up beside us.“Between all that dancing and now skating, I’m just about donefor.”
“Whatabout you, Stels?” Leland asks, squeezing my hand. “Have you hadenough or are you planning to close the place down?”
I laugh and glancearound at the thinning crowd. Part of me wants to keep going untilWesley plays the final song of the night. My leg is aching for realnow, though, and I have a feeling I’m going to pay for thistomorrow with sore muscles I’d completely forgotten even existed. Ialready know it’ll be worth it.
“Wouldit be okay if we hang out at the bar for a while?” I suggest. It’sbeen so long since I’ve had a proper evening out like this with allmy friends. “I’m not quite ready to call it a night, and Wesley iskilling it with this playlist.”
Leland and Evieagree, and Evie skates off to collect the others. Leland and I headfor the nearest exit. As I step out of the rink, I lose my balanceand flail my arms like a windmill. Leland grips my waist to steadyme, and I collapse against him, burying my face against his chestand laughing.
“Goodthing I have no pride left after all that,” I say, my voice muffledagainst Leland’s shirt.
His chest vibrateswith silent laughter, and he holds me closer. It really is a goodthing I have no pride left because I’m sweaty from all the exertionof skating. When Leland releases me, his mouth opens as if he’sgoing to say something, but he shakes his head and closes it. Hisface softens and he lets out a barely audible sigh as he leans inand presses his lips to mine. It’s so brief I don’t even have achance to close my eyes, but it’s another kiss that’s just for us,just because.
It stirs up allkinds of emotions in me, and makes me feel like I’m flying again. Ijust hope I’m not headed for a crash and burn.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
