The reunion is theday after tomorrow and I’m dreading it. Part of me regrets agreeingto go, while the other part is strangely grateful to Nelle. WhenLeland agreed to be my fake boyfriend, it set off a chain reaction.Who knows when I would have seen him again after our brief run-inat the Village? I also likely wouldn’t have had the opportunity tobecome such good friends with Felicity.
In ashort amount of time, the Levesque siblings have come to mean agreat deal to me. I can be myself around them, and I’ve continuedto invite more color and variety into my life after living in thedark for so long. Even though I was aware of the unhealthy patternsin my life, it took Leland showing me what’s possible and how Ideserve to be treated to make me truly understand andwantto break those oldhabits for good.
Felicity paid meyesterday for the work I’ve done so far at FandomTown. I’ve beendebating whether to do the responsible thing and wear somethingfrom my closet to the reunion or splurge on something new. I’mfeeling slightly less self-conscious over the fact I don’t have mylife as together as I’d hoped by this point, but it wouldn’t hurtto walk into Connelly’s Pub rocking an outfit that fills me withconfidence. I can’t deny I’d like to impress Leland too, and showhim my wardrobe consists of more than nerdy pajamas, jeans, andcolorful tops.
I stop on thesidewalk and check my phone when it vibrates inside my jacketpocket. As always these days, a little surge of excitement goesthrough me at the prospect of a message from Leland. I haven’theard from him today, which is unusual.
Instead, it’s atext from Hollie with a bunch of kissy face emojis and an attachedphoto. She and I just had coffee together at her office, and wetook a random selfie together that she promised to send me. Evieand I invited her and Louisa over for dinner last night since timewith just the four of us has been rare in the last month. Weusually order in or get something premade that can be thrown intothe oven and paired with a salad, but Evie and I cooked a simplemeal. After Lana’s incredible home-cooked meal a couple weeks ago,I was inspired to get more adventurous in the kitchen.
I save the photo,send back a string of kiss and heart emojis, and tuck my phone awayagain. I continue down the sidewalk with no real destination inmind. It’s a gorgeous autumn day, unseasonably warm formid-November, so I decide to stay out for a while and enjoyit.
I’m lingeringoutside a boutique, admiring the cocktail dresses in the window,when someone stops beside me. I’m reminded of the night Leland andI first saw each other again at Bellevue Village, when I wasstanding outside the bookstore and he approached me.
I turnto look at the person next to me, my smile faltering when my eyesmeet Tannis’s. I tell myself to play it cool and exude confidence.It may only have been a few weeks since we last saw each other, buta lot has changed in that time.I’vechanged in that time.
I’m about to sayhi and ask how she is when she tilts her head toward the boutiquewindow and wrinkles her nose. “Bit fancy for you, don’t you think,Stella?”
I stare at her,processing the unexpected words. After a few beats, I snap out ofmy daze and roll my eyes, turning my attention back to the window.“Hello to you too, Tannis.”
“I’vebeen saying hello for the last couple of weeks, but you’ve beenignoring my texts and calls.”
“Texting me when you’re bored or want a booty call isn’t thesame thing as saying hello,” I tell her.
She inches closer,crowding me, her hand settling possessively on my hip. “There’s myStella. I’ve missed your feistiness and sass.”
I moveaway from her, shooting her the dirtiest look I can muster. “Don’ttouch me. I’m not youranything.”
Her smirk makes mewant to claw her eyes out. She holds up both hands and takes a stepaway. “Wait, let me guess, you’re already seeing someone else.” Shelaughs, mirthless and borderline cruel, shaking her head. “Gottafill that void in your life somehow, right?”
“There’s no void in my life.” I mentally high five myself forhow steady my voice is.
“Surethere is. A failed marriage, a string of failed relationships. Yougo from job to job and person to person because you can’t figureout what you want or who you are. You barely put any effortintoourrelationship.”
My feet itch towalk away. I could and probably even should. I don’t owe Tannis adamn thing, least of all an explanation or defense about who I am.But she’s got me all wrong, and I have a right to set herstraight.
“Okay,first of all, we were never in a relationship and that was a mutualdecision. Secondly, I put in the same amount of effort youdid.More, infact, because when we made plans, I stuck to them and didn’t callyou with excuses or lies. I was willing to make you a priority, butyou wouldn’t do the same. As for the rest…well, frankly, that’snone of your business. Maybe before you judge me, you should lookat yourself, howyouact in a relationship, and why you would want to be withsomeone like me when you clearly have such a low opinion ofme.”
I take a moment toenjoy the wide-eyed shock on her face before following my initialinstinct to turn and walk away. There’s satisfaction and pridemixed in with the simmering anger Tannis’s words stirred up. Shecalls my name and tells me to wait, but I ignore her and slip intothe boutique whose window display I was admiring. I pray she won’tfollow me inside and cause a scene. A quick glance out the windowshows her still standing there, looking a bit stunned. Good. Lether stew over what just happened. I rarely stood up for myself inmy marriage, but I’ll be damned if I let people walk all over menow.
If Tannis had saidthose things to me a few weeks ago, I would have let her wordswriggle under my skin and spread like an infection. Even worse, Iwould have readily agreed with her. While I wouldn’t go so far asto say I have my life together, at least I’m trying. She may havebeen right about me going from job to job and person to person, butshe was wrong about me wanting to fill a void, and she was alsowrong about me never sticking to anything.
My lifelongfriendship with Evie, Hollie, and Louisa is proof of that. They’vealways been there for me, and I’ve done my best to be there forthem. It’s been hard sometimes, and we’ve had what Evie refers toas ‘growing pains’, but we love each other deeply. People think oftrue love as a concept related only to romantic love, but what Ihave with my three best friends is true love. For better or worse,without limits or conditions.
My run-in withTannis has made me even more determined to turn my life around.It’s time for me to take charge and be the captain of my own ship.I’ve made excuses for too long, and that stops now. I’m going toaccept Felicity’s offer of a job at FandomTown, and I’m going toexcel at whatever we decide on for my position. I’m going to askEvie to let me stay with her for a while longer—paying rent goingforward—while saving money and searching for a place of myown.
Before I cansecond guess myself or let doubts creep in, I pull my phone out andhit Felicity’s number. A sales associate catches my eye from acrossthe room and I smile and wave before making my way through thestore to a section marked ‘For the Curvy Beauties’. Okay, Iofficially love this place.
Felicity’s phonerings so many times, I expect it to go to voicemail. She finallyanswers, sounding breathless as she says, “Hi Stella! I was justthinking about you.”
“Well,that’s nice. I think. I hope?”
She laughs. “Don’tworry, always only good thoughts when it comes to you.”
My heart warms ather words. “That’s certainly nice to hear. And it goes both ways,just so you know. Are you at FandomTown right now?”
“No,I’m actually at the grocery store picking up a few things for mymom. Why?”
“I havesomething to tell you, and I wanted to do it in person.”
