When the finance issue came up with Birch Hill, it made me realize how uncertain life can be. Mom thought she was set for the rest of her life between her savings and subsidies, but that seemingly strong foundation turned out to be built on shaky ground. It was a real wake-up call for me. Once I started getting the regular extra income from blogging for On the Go Adventures, I went to the bank and arranged for a long-term savings account that yields surprisingly high interest. Between setting that money aside, regular bills, and helping with Mom’s Birch Hill expenses, traveling seems like a far-off dream that can’t be made a priority.
“Maybe you’ll get good news tomorrow when you meet with the head of Birch Hill,” Kieran says. “If your mum is happy and well-adjusted there, you’d think they’d be willing to work with you to ensure she can stay.”
I simply nod in response. I’ve been avoiding thinking about my trip to Birch Hill because it brings up all kinds of emotions I’d rather not deal with right now. I haven’t been to the facility in a few months, and haven’t seen my mom in…well, way too long. Going to the place where she lives and not being able to see her will be torture.
Kieran reaches across the table for my hand. Sympathy flashes over his features, but it’s gone so quickly I wonder if I imagined it. Now a smile graces his face as he squeezes my fingers. “See, I’ve been thinking…classes will be finishing up soon and then I’ll have the whole summer free. I’m going to stay in the student house since I’ll be living there through next year too. I’m looking for an internship, but I was thinking if there was time before it started, I’d like to go to back home for a couple of weeks.”
I try to ignore the sinking feeling in my chest. This would be good for Kieran. And it’s not like he’d be gone the whole summer. I can live vicariously through him like I’ve been doing with Fiona. “That would be great. You’ve worked so hard at school, you deserve a break.”
His lips twitch and stretch wider. He drops his gaze to our joined hands and turns mine over, running a finger down my palm. “Mm. You know whoreallydeserves a break?” He peers up at me. The mixture of playfulness and hope and affection in his eyes makes my breath catch. “You, Sunshine. Which is why I think you should come with me.”
“ToIreland?” I choke out the words. With oh-so-perfect timing, the waitress arrives with our drinks. I can’t pull my eyes away from Kieran and I’m pretty sure my mouth is hanging open. He smiles at the young woman, tells her we’ll both have the fish and chips, then hands her our menus. The second she leaves, I lean across the table and whisper-hiss, “You want me to go with you to Ireland?”
He mimics my body language, coming in close so our faces are only inches apart. “Yes. This summer. You, me, and the Emerald Isle. What do you say to that?”
A semi-hysterical laugh burbles up in my throat. What do I say to that? WhatcanI say to that? It’s…too soon. I can’t afford a trip like that right now. I can’t miss that much work. The reasons are endless.
“Meredith.” Kieran’s gentle voice coaxes me out of my own thoughts and back to reality. “What are you thinking? Whatever it is, you can tell me. Even if it’s that you hate the idea.”
“Hate it?” I ask, sounding like I swallowed a mouthful of helium. “No, no, I don’t hate it. I like it. A lot. Too much.” When his brows arch in question, I release a long, slow breath and cover our joined hands with my free hand, folding his between both of mine. My mind spins over the reasons I can’t possibly go to Ireland with him. Where to begin? “Isn’t it kinda crazy to plan such a huge trip together so soon?”
“Mm, maybe.” He tilts his head back and forth. “But who decides what’s ‘too soon’? Who makes up these arbitrary rules when every couple is different? And haven’t we broken all the rules so far anyway? Why not this one too?”
That draws a smile from me. He’s right. We wouldn’t even be sitting here having this conversation if I hadn’t broken my own rules. We’ve done things our way from the beginning. Even our no-sex sex life has been on our terms because it’s what works for us. My smile wavers and slips. Even if ‘too soon’ wasn’t a factor, there’s the small problem of a trip to Ireland costing money I don’t have.
“I was going to say ‘hit me with the next issue’, but I think I know what it is and I might have a solution.”
“Are freight ships to Ireland still a thing? We could go in third class like Jack Dawson inTitanic.”
“Because that worked out so well for Jack?” Kieran asks and I laugh. “No. Now, just hear me out. My mum asks about you every time we talk. I spend more time answering her questions about you than telling her anything about myself. This past week, she mentioned she’d love to see us this summer and she offered to buy our plane tickets.”
My mouth pops open. “What? No, I—”
“Just listen,” Kieran says, cutting me off. “I’m sure it seems strange to you, especially since you’ve always been independent and paid for things yourself, but trust me, my parents can afford it. It’d be a drop in the bucket for them. We wouldn’t even have to stay with them; they have smaller homes around the country, and both of us know people in Ireland, so I’m sure we could couch surf. Maybe you could even work something out with your mate Fiona in exchange for writing a series on Ireland for the blog.”
My eyes have shifted past him and are riveted on an enormous landscape painting of Ireland on the wall behind him. The lush green field dotted with sheep, and the castle ruins set against a backdrop of mountains speak to me the way Ireland has always spoken to me. I swallow hard and bring my attention back to Kieran when he starts talking again.
“Just…think about it, will you? Whether we decide to go or not, Iwant to make plans with you, Meredith. I want to work toward building a future together, whatever that looks like.”
My heart melts at his earnest words. I lift our joined hands, bringing his to my mouth and brushing it with my lips. “I want that too.”
And I do. I want a whole life with Kieran. Things may be better than they were, but I still feel like I’m alternately riding that never-ending merry-go-round while also walking on a precarious balance beam, juggling all the different aspects of my life.
But for the first time in ages, I actually have faith things are going to work out. With Kieran by my side, I feel like I can conquer anything life throws at me.
