Babushka burst from the kitchen like she was making an entrance on a Broadway stage, arms spread wide. "You brought Piper to dinner. Finally. Ve have been vaiting for you to find someone nice. Ve didn't think this day vould come."
Zach winced and pinched at the bridge of his nose. "Love you, too."
Babushka pulled Piper into a bone-crushing hug while she continued, "Sometimes he says, 'oh! Babushka! I am seeing a new voman, and then she never comes to dinner. Ve start to vonder if he even tells the truth or if he prefers to die alone vith no vife or children to love him. Only undervear. But undervear do not keep you varm and give you love."
"Fuck," Zach muttered, heat climbing his neck.
"Ve don't say that vord," Babushka tsked.
"She keeps saying that, but we keep saying it anyway." Jase shrugged.
Piper emerged from the hug looking slightly dazed. "Thank you for having me."
"Come," Babushka insisted, taking Piper by the arm. "Food is ready. Then ve talk vedding. And maybe other things." She winked at Zach with all the subtlety of a freight train. "Do you like children? They are a blessing, yes?"
Dinner was a blur of dishes being passed, conversations overlapping, and Piper somehow managing to field questions from all directions.
Jase was asking her about Montgomery Events. "You do funerals, too? That's depressing."
"Actually, memorial services can be incredibly meaningful," Piper replied. "It's about creating space for both grief and celebration. But, no, I don't plan the actual funerals, usually."
"She landed a huge account with the funeral directors' association," Zach added, pride slipping into his voice before he could stop it.
"Ve are very happy. Except she has to vork vith Morty, who deserves to regrow his bunions." Babushka said, haughtily.
"That man you gave money to?" Dad asked, frowning. "I do not like that man."
Well, this was not looking to end well.
"Pfft. He paid me back," Babushka said. "That is not vhy he deserves the gout."
Diana leaned forward, ignoring Babushka to focus only on Piper. "How's the wedding coming?"
"Really excellent," Piper said. "And once the engagement is announced in a few days and everything goes public? It'll all really start falling into place, I think."
Jase smirked. "Never mind the wedding. Mom wants to know how long you and Zach are going to keep pretending you're just colleagues?"
Zach choked on his water. "We weren't pretending?—"
"We're colleagues," Piper said smoothly. "With mutual goals."
"'Mutual goals," Jase repeated, wiggling his eyebrows. "Is that what they're calling it these days?"
"Stop terrorizing them," Anna said, but she was grinning, too.
Zach looked desperately for a distraction. "Anna, you look substantially less pukey lately."
Thankfully, the conversation shifted to Anna's morning sickness, which meant babies and more Dvornakovs, which meant Zach got a moment to breathe. He snuck a glance at Piper, who was nodding along to whatever his father was saying about the stock market.
How was she doing this?
He'd expected her to be overwhelmed, maybe even want to check out. Instead, she was not just surviving but somehow charming everyone. Like right then. She'd distracted Dad from all things Babushka's ex-boyfriend. That was not an easy task, at all.
By the time they moved to dessert, Piper had the entire room engaged in a discussion about wedding traditions that had Babushka giddy with excitement.
Zach's phone buzzed in his pocket. He ignored it at first—too caught up in watching Piper somehow orchestrate his entire family like she was born to it. But when the screen lit up again, he finally slipped it out, half-expecting another nudge from Noah.
Tess: You got the green light. Let's talk fittings with Drake and the players. Details in your inbox now.
