“Ouch. That smarts, doesn’t it?” She sighed, and again she looked wrecked.
Fuck, he so was making a mess of this. “I’m making a mess of this.”
“You’ve got work. They’ll need you in the VIP tent.”
“You’ll grab a milkshake or a smoothie or whatever, and then I’ll meet you here?”
Her subtle headshake was like a pinprick deflating his balloon of hope. “I think I need to go home.”
Unfortunately, he didn’t know which home she was referring to just then.
“Talk to me, Courtney,” he said through gritted teeth.
“It’s Harley,” Courtney said. “You always wanted Harley.”
“Of course I wanted Harley. We both wanted Harley.” That was the one thing they agreed on in the beginning.
“But you got me too,” she said.
Why did she say this like it was a bad thing? This was the best thing. They were a package deal, the best buy one, get one he’d ever been offered. “Because you’re her mother.”
“Right.” Courtney pursed her lips.
He wanted to move to her, but understood that wasn’t what she needed or wanted, so he didn’t. “You’re not making any sense.”
“There wouldn’t be an us if there wasn’t a baby.” She tossed that out like a grenade.
“Courtney, she brought us together. She’s the glue—”
“I would want you without her.” Courtney whispered the words like they caused her great pain.
The muscles around his mouth didn’t seem to work anymore. Didn’t hold his lips closed. Did nothing.
“I cannot think about life without her,” Courtney said. “But if I’m being honest with everyone in this room, I wanted you long before I knew there was a baby. I just hadn’t put that together yet. Hating you was so much easier than considering the possibility that I could want you.”
This time he did step toward her. “I think Em’s gotten in your head. She does that. It’s her thing. Don’t let her in your head.”
Courtney didn’t look wrecked, she just looked sad. “If there wasn’t a Harley, I’m pretty sure you’d be back with Em.”
“Going down the path of what-if will only make a person miserable. That’s what you said, and I believe you. It’s the truth.”
She said nothing.
His heart seemed to break as she continued with her nothing.
“Don’t do this.” He reached for her, but she dodged, so he stopped. “Don’t turn this into something it’s not.”
“Bax.” Her hair brushed against her shoulders as she shook her head. “I think we need to step back from each other.”
“No, that’s not what we need.” Not what he wanted or was able to give.
“You need time to process everything that happened with Em.” She spoke like this was distant and not right in front of them, not their present. “You never got time for that. Youneedtime to mourn that relationship ending before we can even giveusa shot.”
“I don’t need that.” He didn’t. Didn’t want it. Didn’t need it.
“I need you to do that,” she said, the words so quiet he almost didn’t hear them.
“What if we don’t find our way back to each other?” he asked, unwilling to even think of that as a possibility, but fear gripping his entire body because it could happen. This was like watching one of Knox’s horror movies where the killer was living among them the whole time and no one realized it—not even the audience. When the big reveal happened, it wasn’t a big in-your-face scream fest, but the kind of betrayal that dug in deep because it’d been there the whole time, oozing into everything.
