I’d already chased after one man who didn’t want me and I’d lost my career doing it. I wasn’t going to make that mistake again.
“You’re right,” I said, looking him straight in the eye. “There’s nothing for me here.”
I turned to walk away, but not before Benji’s surprised little face drove a knife through my heart.
24
COOPER
“Let’stake the medal off to sleep, huh?” I said, reaching for the ribbon around Benji’s neck. “We don’t want it to hurt you.”
Benji nodded, letting me lift the medal off him. I set it down on his nightstand, next to his dinosaur night light, then sat on the floor next to the bed like I normally did until he fell asleep.
He probably didn’t need me to do that anymore. I might’ve needed him tonight, though.
“Is Felix mad at you?” Benji asked, as though he’d read my mind.
Not that he would’ve needed to. He’d been there, he’d heard what I’d heard, and he was more than old enough to understand that Felix had sounded upset, even if he didn’t understand why.
A sigh escaped me before I could stop it. The last thing I wanted was to pour my heart out to Benji—hewas supposed to come tomefor support, not the other way around—but I didn’t want to hide anything from him, either. I didn’t want him to feel as though I was keeping secrets.
Even if I had been keeping Felix a secret. That had been because I knew it wasn’t forever. Felix was never going to stay in Otter Bay. He’d told me that from the beginning.
I understood now why that was. Itwastoo small for him. He was better than this. He deserved more.
“I think maybe he is, yeah,” I admitted.
“Why?”
I’d known the question was coming but it still made me flinch.
“I can’t know for sure.”
“Because you can’t read minds,” Benji said sagely. I’d told him that often enough in the beginning. That he had to tell me how he was feeling and what he needed, because I couldn’t read his mind. He’d gotten so good at it I’d almost forgotten it’d ever been a problem.
“Because I can’t read minds,” I agreed. “But I think he thinks I don’t want to be his friend anymore.”
Which wasn’t what I’d meant at all.
I just didn’t want him to miss a good opportunity. I wanted him to know I wouldn’t take it badly if he left.
I would, but I wouldn’t blame him for that. I’d known this was only a temporary thing.
The fact that I’d fallen for him, that I wanted more than anything for him to stay, was my problem. There was no point in making it his.
“But you do, right?” Benji asked.
“Of course,” I said, reaching out to run my fingers through his hair. “I… Felix is my friend. I really like him.”
“You love him,” Benji said. “Right?”
I blinked at him. Where had he…?
“Uh—”
“I saw you kissing,” Benji interrupted, looking away from me as though he was confessing to doing something wrong. “On the porch the other day. I shouldn’t have been peeking. I’m sorry.”
Oh. Well. If I hadn’t been trying to hide… whatever Felix and I had going on, then there wouldn’t have been anything to peek on.
