11
FELIX
“Areyou sure I shouldn’t err on the side of a little more formal?” I asked, looking myself over in the mirror for the hundredth time.
Avery had me in the same jeans again, and now we were debating the rest of the outfit. I had them on speaker, and my phone lying in the middle of the bed. If I closed my eyes, I could pretend they were right here in the room with me. I wished, more than ever, that they were.
They’d teased me about coming here, but they would’ve loved it. Maybe not forever—Avery’s blood was half Hudson river water, I was fairly sure—but they would have gotten a kick out of a week or two of quaint small-town living.
It was ten minutes to eight, and I was… not as calm as I might have been.
The thing was, I’d never, exactly, dated. Before I met Piotr I’d really only had time for the occasional hookup when the opportunity came my way.After…
It’d been a secret. An open secret, everyone hadknown, but… we were never seen together in public unless there were other people with us. His rule. His rule that made all the sense in the world, because if it’d ever been confirmed…
Well. It wouldn’t have looked good for either of us.
So aside from my high school prom, where I’d taken a girl I barely knew because the school had assigned us partners to promote student body harmony, I’d never been on a date before.
“Are there literally any restaurants with tablecloths in town?” Avery asked. They were perfectly calm—which they had every right to be, becausetheyweren’t going on their first-ever date at 29. Avery dated widely and enthusiastically. It was more a hobby for them than a method of finding a life partner.
Not thatIwas looking for a life partner right now. This was for fun. I was just nervous because I didn’t know how to have fun on a date.
“Uh. Not that I’ve seen?”
“So probably this is not a suit and tie event. You want to get laid again, right?”
“… yes,” I admitted. I wanted…
I wantedCooper. I liked being around him. I liked the way I felt when his hands were on me, the way my body felt. He didn’t make me feel broken. He made me feel… desirable.
I hadn’t felt that since before…
“So you’re putting on that beautiful emerald green cashmere sweater that brings out your eyes and is so unbelievably soft thatno onewould be able to help themselves touching you,” Avery insisted.
I picked up the sweater in question, running the soft fabric through my fingers. Itwasvery touchable.
And I so wanted to be touched. I wanted Cooper to touch me.
That was about the one thing in my entire life Iwascertain of right now. It was like wanting water after a rehearsal, or wanting coffee first thing in the morning. A craving. Always somewhere in my mind, no matter what I was doing.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt like that before. Piotr, I’d wanted to impress. I’d wanted his praise and his guidance and I was beginning to think I’d beentradingmyself for that.
What I had with Cooper didn’t feel like a trade. It felt…
“Are you putting it on?” Avery’s voice dragged me back to the room.
“Yeah, yeah,” I said, pulling the sweater over my head. The fabric felt good against my skin, and I paused to let myself imagine how much better it’d feel if Cooper’s big, warm, gentle hands were laid over it. “How did you even know I had this?”
“Packed it for you while you weren’t looking,” Avery said. “It looks amazing on you. I always want you to look amazing. But if it was up to you, you’d always look like you didn’t own a mirror.”
I huffed, shooting a glare at my phone. My lock screen showed four minutes to eight. Cooper was always late, though, so I probably had longer than that.
“Picture,” Avery demanded. I took a handful—my selfies were never good enough for Avery, but I figured if I sent a selection, the volume would make up for it.
My phone vibrated in my hand. Avery’s name and contact photo—where they were sticking their tongue out at the camera—flashed on the screen.
“You hung up on me,” they complained when I answered. “Have I mentioned lately that I love you?”
