“Uh, yeah,” I said a handful of seconds too late.
“What’s he like in bed?” she asked.
“I…”
Was I supposed to answer? Did people just talk to total strangers about things like that? Okay, we had a mutual friend, kind of, but this wasabouthim and there’d just apparently been footage of the answer all over the internet.
Why was she asking me?
“You can tell me, I’m not gonna say anything,” she said, blowing a cloud of vapor off to the side.
At least it wasn’t directly in my face.
“I knew he was gay way back,” she continued. “Tried my hand, y’know? He let me down gently.”
“He told you?” I asked. Maybe if she could keep a secret like that…
Allison snorted. “Oh god no, but I mean… look at me,” she said gesturing to herself. “If I showed up naked on your couch, how would you react?”
“Probably ask if you were okay,” I said. “I mean, if you just showed up unannounced with no clothes on.”
“Right, but you’re gay too.”
“Bi,” I corrected. “I think you’re really pretty, I just know myself well enough to know I’d worry if anyone turned up on my couch unexpectedly naked.”
Allison smiled what should have been the most cynical smile ever seen by man, but there was the barest hint of sincerity to it. “You’re from that place, aren’t you? Ryder’s hometown. Weasel Ridge.”
“Otter Bay,” I corrected. “Yeah, we grew up together.”
She snorted. “Maybe they just make ‘em all like you up there. Sexy and sweet. You got any brothers?”
And I was blushing again.
“Sorry, only child,” I said.
“Damn. I could use someone like you.”
“Someone like me?”
Allison laughed. “A cute fake boyfriend to drag around to things like this, show off to the media… that kind of thing.”
My mouth fell open, which was one of the reasons I wasn’t an actor. My acting skillssucked.
“Oh come on, half the people here are with dates they’re paying one way or another,” she said. “Ryder just finds this gorgeous boyfriend out of the blue at the exact moment he needs one? And you happen to be a childhood friend? It’s a cute story, which is how I know it’s bullshit.”
“He’s not paying me,” I said. “And he’s my best friend, and…”
This? This was one of the other reasons I wasn’t an actor. I couldn’t lie to save my own ass.
“It’s fine, I’m not about to say anything. Besides, I’m not your target audience, we all know all of this is fake. Ryder even tookmeas his date to a premiere party once, the little gutter press parasites cared about it for maybe ten minutes. Faking it isn’t new to him. To any of us. All of LA is fake one way or another.” She shrugged, sipping her beer. “You might wanna go rescue him though,” she added. “I wouldn’t talk tothatasshole for a second longer than I was contractually obligated to.”
“Who is he?” I asked. I recognized Allison because she’d been in one of Ryder’s movies, which I’d watched more times than I wasevertelling him, but otherwise celebrities were my weakest trivia subject.
“That’s Matt Rolander,” Allison said. “He was halfway through a movie with Ryder once, cast as his brother, when he just up and disappeared because he got a better offer. No warning, no notice. The whole thing was put on hold for months while they recast him and re-shot the scenes they’d already done.”
“Wow.”
Maybe people did that kind of thing all the time, I had no idea how any of this worked, but it sure as hellsoundedlike a dick move.
