My heart sank, but of course Ward didn’t want to do it. He was shy, he hated being the center of attention, and not only was kissing me in publicboundto draw attention, but we were doing it so that someone could photograph it and everyone would see.
This had always been too much to ask.
“You’re right, it’s too much,” I said, letting my hand drop away from his face so I wouldn’t embarrass him further.
So it was a surprise when he caught my hand and brought it up to his lips, brushing them over the knuckles.
“It’s what I signed up for,” Ward said. Was he putting on a brave face? Or was he really okay with this?
A part of me hated that I couldn’t tell anymore. Once upon a time I’d known him better than I knew myself.
Although considering how poorly I seemed to know myself at the moment, maybe that was still true.
“I’m just asking because we’ve been here before and you freaked out about it last time and I don’t think it’s fair that you have to crack open your personal life and show it to all these people for the sake of what? You shouldn’t have to do this for your job.”
What I probably should have done was assure him that I was fine with this, that it was how the industry worked, that I was stuck with selling who I was as much as what I could do—more than, even—and that was okay by me.
But I wasn’t sure that was true, and I’d never lied to Ward before.
So instead, I reached out, grabbed him by the back of the neck, and pulled him down for a kiss.
The thing was, I knew what I was doing—or I normally knew what I was doing, I’d faked this probably a hundred times, probably more, I wasn’t sure I’d ever actually had a kiss that felt real in my entire life.
Except this one felt a little real.
And I was definitely not ready for that.
Ward should have tensed up or pushed me away or at least resisted, but he didn’t. He let me kiss him, on the mouth, in front of half of LA as the sun set behind us like something out of a movie, except in movies my heart didn’t pound in my ears and my chest didn’t feel tight and also, there wasn’t even the barest hint of tongue because that was too much for my audience.
There was only the barest hint with Ward, a teasing little brush of the tip of his tongue against mine, but I was reminded again that I really needed to consider getting my knees checked out.
The thing about movie kisses was that they never left me breathless and dizzy or clinging to whoever was playing opposite me because if I let go there was an even chance I’d collapse.
There was a chance even as I hung on that I’d just take Ward down with me.
And in the movies my partner didn’t look at me like Ward was looking at me now, like they’d shut out every other thing in the world and I was the only thing that mattered. They never had a shy little smile playing around their lips that made me want to kiss them again.
And again, and again, and again.
Damn.
“Do you think that’s—”
“One more,” I interrupted before Ward could ask if it was enough. I knew it was enough, it had to have been, but I was needy and selfish and I’d never had this before and I’d never have it again.
Was it so wrong to enjoy it?
“To be safe,” I said. “If that’s okay?”
I was being good. I was asking if Ward minded. He could say no.
He didn’t say no. Fast learner that he’d always been, he turned the bright smile I’d been faking earlier on me, eyes glinting with it like it was the real thing. With skills like that he could’ve been a halfway decent actor in his own right, if only he wasn’t so goddamn shy.
“It’s okay,” he murmured, reaching out to run the pad of his thumb along my jaw, sliding trembling fingers into my hair. “I mean, I might pass out from nerves? But if I do you can just leave me here.”
I wanted to tell him I’d never do that, but then he kissed me again and every other thought I’d ever had disappeared. The only thing I could focus on was how soft Ward’s mouth was and how much I liked having it pressed against mine.
This was a mistake. I was in so much trouble.
