“Haven’t you ever seen his little reading glasses? They’re adorable. Make him show you them when we get home.”
Home.
We were going home in just a few days. Would this…couldthis survive that?
“Icanread,” I added, pushing thoughts about the future aside. “I mean, so can Aiden, it’s just…”
“Hard,” Morgan said. “I know. Used to read to Aiden after school so he’d get what was going on in English. Saved him failing. He’s not stupid, as long as I read stufftohim, he got it.”
“What made you fail P.E.?” I asked, remembering what Morgan had said about that, since we were talking about school.
“Mr. Woods.” Morgan sighed. “He was… y’know how sometimes people are teachers, but they clearly hate kids and it’s just like… why would you go into teaching if you hate children so much?”
“I know the type,” I agreed.
“Yeah, well, it was my first year of middle school, and Mr. Woods figured out that I wasn’t all that coordinated. Turns out that’s dyspraxia, which is kind of… dyslexia for spacial reasoning, I guess.”
“How do you mean?”
Morgan sighed. “Can’t tell left from right,” he said. “I mean, Ican, it’s just…”
“Hard,” I finished for him. “Like reading is for me.”
“Yeah. Gotta focus. Can’t go down ladders, but I can get up ’em just fine. Couldn’t tie my own shoes until middle school. Can’t read analogue clocks, which is actually kinda weird. And I’m just generally… not good at knowing where I am in space, I guess. I mean, Icando that stuff, if I have to, if I have time to think about it. But it’s hard.”
My heart hurt for him.
That explained… a lot. Things I hadn’t consciously registered, but had unconsciously kind of noted.
I’d always just thought of Morgan as a tiny bit clumsy, but then almost everyone seemed clumsy compared to me. Being small and nimble was one of the few things I had going for me. Sometimes it felt like the only thing I had any real control over was my own body.
I couldn’t imagine what it’d feel like not to have complete control over that, either.
Except that I kind of could, because I knew I didn’t have total control of the way my brain handled words and letters.
“Which I guess is why me and Aiden got along. Everyone thought we were both idiots. Mr. Woods used to make me climb ropes or run obstacle courses or whatever new torture he’d thought up that week, and I always ended up screwing it up. Spent most of middle school covered in bruises. And even when I did manage to do one of the impossible tasks he gave me, I’d come back and he’d just growlnot good enoughand send me to do it again until I got it right, or class was over. I don’t think I ever got it right. My school report just saiduseless. Found it a couple of years ago when I was clearing out old papers, and just seeing that word made me feel three inches tall.”
“You’re not useless,” I said, at a loss for anything else to say.
Morgan suddenly felt soprecious. Like something worth protecting.
“You were saying, about the risks making you feel in control earlier,” Morgan said. “Made me think about an argument I had with my mom once. About going into floristry instead of I dunno, marketing or communications or something.”
“Yeah?” I asked. I knew Morgan had a fairly average relationship with his mom—she wasn’t the saint mine was, but they weren’t always at each other’s throats, either.
“Yeah. I was thinking about what you said about being calm. When I was a kid, before I met Aiden and the rest of you guys, I used to hide in the flower beds at school when all the other kids were playing. Saved me getting picked last for whatever the game of the day was, y’know?”
“Morgan…” I said, a lump forming in my throat.
He’d said he was honored that I’d share earlier, and I knew how he felt now. Hearing all this was an honor.
“Made friends with the flowers,” he said, sheepish.
“Aiden says you still talk to them.”
“I do,” Morgan admitted. “They’re still my friends. I just… I remember yelling at my mom that yeah, I’m smart enough to do whatever I want, but the only time I’mhappyis when I’m surrounded by flowers. Happiness seemed more important than ambition.”
“It is,” I said. “I’m sorry you were so unhappy.”
