Kieran and Carter and Morgan andFelixneeded to see themselves there.
“You don’t have to make a call right now,” Angelica said. “No one expects you to turn around with a revised manuscript tomorrow. You’ve got time.”
I wasn’t sure any amount of time would be enough.
I couldn’t stop thinking about how I’d torn my friendship with Kieran to shreds over this, fornothing. It hadn’t made a difference.
“I’ll… think about it,” I said, gritting my teeth to stop myself from crying. I knew I’d break down the moment I hung up, but I couldn’t do it right now. Angelica was taking this hard, too, and it wasn’t her job to run around after me with a handkerchief. Not really. No matter how many times she’d done it.
Shehadwarned me it was a long shot. This wasn’t her fault.
“For the record,” she said. “I’m with you whatever you decide. And I’ll fight for you until we get to a solution you’re happy with. Okay?”
“Okay,” I sniffed, a hot tear rolling down my cheek. “Thank you.”
“Hey, Felix? I love you,” Angelica said. “And you’re not wrong.”
I wasn’t sure which of those things I needed to hear more, but the combination of the two made me sob, a hand coming up to cover my mouth.
“Sleep on it,” Angelica added, which was code forcry your little heart out until you pass out. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Deal,” I gritted out, fighting not to break down just yet. “Love you, too.”
As soon as Angelica hung up, another sob overwhelmed me. This wasn’tfair. I hadn’t done anything to deserve this, I’d tried my hardest, and I couldn’t even run to Kieran for a hug to make it all better right now.
I pushed my phone out of the way and banged my forehead on the kitchen table, wincing at the impact but too heartbroken to do anything other than rest my head there and cry.
Sob after sob shook me, and no matter how hard I tried not to wail, I couldn’t help it. My whole life had crashed down around my ears and there was nothing I could do about it now.
Kieran was gone. My chance to give the world an authentic Alex was gone. Hell, mycareerwas hanging in the balance and every time I eventhoughtabout what I’d have to do to save it, a wave of nausea welled up in my stomach.
By the time the tears stopped I was exhausted—they’d only stopped because I was all out of them, not because I was done crying.
Someone was knocking on my door.
Wait.
Someone was knocking on my door?
Myapartmentdoor?
That… that never happened. Who’d do that?
I sat up, peering over suspiciously at it, half-expecting the knocking to stop.
Knock knock knock.
“Felix,” a voice called through it.
A familiar voice.
But it couldn’t be, could it? I was dreaming. This wasn’treal.
Kieran wasn’t knocking on my door. Why would he be? I’d lost him for good.
“C’mon, Felix,” Kieran complained. “I’m standing out here like an idiot. Let me explain.”
I got up from the couch, creeping cautiously over to the door, waiting for this dream to turn into a nightmare.
