“Who died?” Angelica asked as soon as she picked up.
I sighed. “Me, figuratively speaking.”
“What happened?”
There was genuine concern in her voice, and I appreciated that. I didn’t have close friends—Angelica was the nearest thing to a really good friend I had.
No one else would have been comfortable talking to me about this, but she’d been through my breakup with Colin. She knew how to handle me when my heart was breaking over a boy.
“Kieran’s gone,” I said.
“Gone as in…?” she asked cautiously.
“As in he stormed out of here last night and I’m not entirely sure why and I don’t know how to fix it.”
Was there a sewing kit around here somewhere? I didn’t want this hole getting any bigger, but I couldn’t resist playing with it.
I tucked the sleeve of the hoodie into my lap with a huff. Everything hurt, inside and out, and what I wanted most right now was to crawl to bed, curl up under the covers, and wake up to find this was all a bad dream and I was still at home in New York with Kieran sleeping beside me.
“What did you do?” Angelica asked. I couldhearthe look on her face, see the hand on her hip.
“Nothing!” I said. “Literally nothing, I… we were having dinner, and he had his hand on my knee and I told him… I said… this wasalwaystemporary, the deal was never that I got to keep him, I’d been planning to go home tomorrow…”
“And you broke up with him,” Angelica finished.
“No,” I said automatically, but the way my stomach twisted made me pause. “No?” I repeated, less sure this time.
Angelica’s silence spoke volumes.
“There was nothingtobreak up! This was fake, remember? I just… I was getting attached, and I didn’t want to make it anyworsefor either of us when I left, and it’s not like Kieran was… in love with me, or anything.”
“You don’t think?” Angelica asked.
“No?” I said again, evenlesssure of myself this time.
No. No, he couldn’t… I was… andhewas…
Incredible. Kieran was incredible, and I didn’t deserve him, and he wouldn’twantme.
The wordincrediblefloated into my head in Kieran’s voice, and my throat tightened.
You’re incredible.
Did he really think…?
“Felix. You’re my friend and you’re my easiest to deal with client, and I love you, but sometimes you’re so dense we could use you to anchor boats.”
“I’m not sure density is the most important thing about anchors,” I said, since I couldn’t really argue with the rest of that. I felt really,reallystupid right now, and I wasn’t even sure why.
“You think that boy volunteered to pretend to be your boyfriend, helped you out with all those photos, came with you to your book launch and held your hand and stood up for you and told everyone how amazing he thought you were with stars dancing in his ridiculously pretty eyes because he… what? Thinks of you as some kind of booty call?”
I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing immediately came to mind.
Based on the number of times I’d been at a loss for words over the past ten days or so, I was starting to wonder if being a writer was the career for me.
“He’s my friend,” I said weakly.
He was, right? Kieran was my friend, he was a kind, generous soul, and that wasit.
