“Hey,” I said, trying not to sound as tired and lost as I suddenly felt. “Hey, Carter. Listen, I’m—”
“Don’t apologize,” Carter said. “You’re always apologizing, you gotta stop that.”
I snorted. This felt like an occasion that warranted an apology.
“But I am—”
“You’re not faking it,” Carter interrupted. “Are you?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose.
I’d been so busy worrying aboutonebest friend this week that I’d forgotten about the other one. The other one who knew me just as well, who’d sat through just as many long talks, who I’d shared just as many fears and hopes and dreams with.
“Your silence is speaking volumes,” Carter said gently.
“Dammit,” I sighed into the speaker. “Dammit.”
“For the record, I’m okay with this,” Carter continued. I’d never really been afraid he wouldn’t be, but this had to come as a surprise to him.
This was supposed to be a secret. Felix was safebecauseit was a secret, because no one ever had to know.
Hell, I’d waited until we got to New York to make a real, sober move, hadn’t I? Maybe not consciously, but I couldn’t deny that it made sense.
“Little insulted that you couldn’t fall head over heels in love withme,” Carter added, laughter in his voice. “Rude.”
“You wouldn’t have wanted that.”
“I’m happy with the Goode brother I ended up with,” Carter agreed. “Friendly handjob might’ve been nice.”
“I’m telling Aiden you said that,” I threatened, but it wouldn’t matter if I did. Aiden and Carter were for keeps, anyone could see that, and he got Carter’s sense of humor. He’d know it was a joke.
Hell, anyone would. Carter was like a third brother.
Once upon a time, Felix had been, too. Kind of.
But then he’d been something else, and then he’d beengone, too quick for me to figure out whatsomething elsewas, and now he was back, and I was starting to make out the shape of it.
“So…” Carter trailed off, and I could almost picture him twirling one of those curly phone cords around his finger, waiting for me to open up.
“I… we… last night, I—”
“Got it,” Carter said. I was getting the feeling this was going to be a conversation with a lot of me struggling to find words and Carter filling in the blanks for me. “Don’t need any more information.”
“What happened to the friendly handjob you wanted?”
“I have access to a sexy one that wouldn’t make me feel weird,” Carter said.
“Oh, I’m not allowed to giveyouany more information butyouget to tell me about my own brother’s sex life?” I asked, more to tease him than because I cared about hearing it.
I knew they were having sex. I vaguely hoped they were both enjoying it.
I understood a little better now how good it might’ve been, and it’d given me a renewed appreciation for the benefits of being in love.
Not that I was…
Definitely not.
Love was too strong a word.
