Wasn’t it?
“Yep,” Carter said, without even the slightest trace of embarrassment. Aiden was good for him.
“Rude,” I shot back. “Hey, uh. Can we… not tell anyone about this? Until, y’know. Until I’m…”
“Ready to come out yourself?” Carter asked.
Come out.
I swallowed. I’d have to dothat, too, wouldn’t I?
This was a lot.
“Yeah, that,” I agreed, trying not to think too much about it.
“Secret’s safe with me,” Carter promised, and I knew it would be. He’d been through this. He understood.
“How do you like New York?”
“How did youlivehere?” I asked, shocked that quiet, shy Carter could’ve survived in this city for more than a few days. “There’s so much noise and all I can smell are exhaust fumes. I can smell themup here, and I’m on the sixth floor with the windows closed.”
“You get used to it,” Carter said. “Helps if you’re not really…”
“Not really?” I nudged when Carter trailed off.
“Living, I guess,” he finished. “I mean, I knew people who genuinely loved it, exhaust fumes and all. But I spent most of my time not noticing because there was always a bigger problem, something I was more worried about than cab drivers who thought pedestrians were an obstacle course or my asshole neighbors yelling at each other at three in the morning. It’s got its charms, though.”
“Well, the view’s okay, I guess,” I admitted, lifting the phone up to take a picture and sending it to him.
“Wow,” Carter said. “I guess… I guess I knew Felix must be doing okay for himself, but that’s… nice.”
“Yeah, this apartment is as big as mine,” I said. “Feeling slightly out of place here.”
Carter snorted. “Please. You’re a trophy boyfriend.”
“Hey!”
“A beloved trophy boyfriend, I’m sure.” Carter laughed. “As long as you’re happy, Kieran.”
“I… I’m not sure. Happy sounds kinda permanent.”
“Happy right now?” Carter tried.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Happy right now.”
Would’ve been happier if Felix was here instead of off at some meeting somewhere, but this was Felix’sjob.
“Then that’s all that matters. See you later.”
“You will,” I promised. “Sunday if not before.”
“Sounds like a plan. Love you.”
We’d said that to each other a thousand times, but something about the easy, casual way Carter said it this time stuck in my throat.
Hedidstill love me. Even though I felt like everything had changed, even after everything I’d confessed to him just now. Carter still said it exactly the way he’d been saying it for years.
“Love you, too.”
