In reality, he was standing two feet away with his hands in his pockets, tired smile making him look irresistible.
All the same, I was going to keep resisting, because Kieran wasn’t interested.
I couldn’t stop thinking about howfinehe’d been with the idea of sharing a bed with Carter as teenagers, even now that he understood the guy had been questioning his sexuality.
That was the thing that really killed me. Kieran wascool. He wasn’t weird about me—or anyone else—not being straight. He was socomfortableand he was still off-limits and I could have wept over it.
In the golden pre-sundown light, he looked more incredible than ever. Soft and glowing in his sage-green button-down that only made his eyes look brighter and warmer.
“Thank you so much for inviting me to this,” I said belatedly, remembering that the point of Kieran coming out here wasn’t for me to stare dreamily at him. It was to say good night.
“You’re always welcome here,” Kieran said. “My home is your home.”
He meant that, too.
“Well,” he continued. “You haven’t actually seen my place yet, but you should. Sometime. When you’re free. I know you’re here to work, but…” he paused to scratch the back of his neck. “I dunno. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look tired. I want you to rest.”
My heart jumped into my throat. There wasmyKieran, the sweet boy I’d had a crush on for as long as I could remember because all I could see when I looked at him was the brightest, purest soul I’d ever known glowing back at me.
The fact that he had biceps as thick as my thigh now was a nice bonus, but it wasn’t really the main thing.
The sex would have been incredible, though.
“I’d love to see your place,” I said, smiling to put Kieran out of his misery. I didn’t remember him being nervous, but seeing an old friend after all these years mademenervous, too. I’d spent a lot of time pacing up and down the cabin before I came here, and I’d fixed my hair so many times it was probably permanently like this now.
“Good,” Kieran said. “Just lemme know when you’re free. I haven’t quite perfected roast potatoes like Mom, but there are people who’ve proposed marriage after eating at my place. Just sayin’.”
“I already proposed to you once,” I teased. “Still waiting on an answer.”
Kieran blushed, which was such a good look on him that I wanted to make him do it more often.
“Go home, Felix,” Kieran said. “Text me when you get there safe, and then please take a nap or something? For my sake.”
“Oh, well, if it’s foryoursake…” I said, knowing that taking a nap at this time of night was a terrible idea, but still inclined to take Kieran’s advice.
I was exhausted. Not from today—today had stripped away years of tiredness—but from everything before that. Now that I was away from my life and routine, I could see justhowtired I was.
“Night, Kieran,” I said, climbing into the car.
“Night, Felix,” Kieran smiled at me in a way that made my insides melt. It wasincrediblyunfair that he was hot now.
I drove off thinking about how good it was to see him again, and what Carter had said about needing a book with a bisexual protagonist.
* * *
Home safe
Kieran: good. Go nap.
Yes, Mom
Kieran: if you’re not careful I’ll give *my* mom your number
I chuckledat the empty threat and sent back a quick message that he was welcome to, tapping on the coffee maker as it gurgled away.
Should I have been drinking coffee at almost seven in the evening? Almost certainly not. Was I going to anyway? Yes.
I still had to write this book, and as good as a nap sounded, the guilt wouldn’t let me. I’d spent too much time screwing around already.
