My gut clenched, and the urge didn’t go away. All I could think about was suddenly wanting to kiss Felix.
… okay, not…suddenly, but for the first time in fifteen years.
The last time I’d wanted to was the day we left Albany for Slow Falls. The memory was normally so distant it barely seemedreal, but now it was back as though it’d happened yesterday.
I was fourteen again, standing in front of my best friend, heart aching at the thought that this was the last time I’d ever see him, wanting to kiss him.
“Kieran?” Felix blinked at me, a concerned line between his brows.
Kiss him, my asshole brain insisted.
I needed to get away. I couldn’t be here anymore.
“Coffee,” I said, trying not to jerk awaytooobviously as I wriggled out from under him, flushing now that I realized how on top of me he’d been.
What the hell was I thinking?
Stupid Carter and his stupid bisexual awakening. NowIwas thinking about it. Couldn’tstopthinking about it.
Hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it for weeks.
And here was Felix, the first boy I’d ever wanted to kiss, the firstpersonI’d ever wanted to kiss, all grown up, sprawled on top of me, andactually gay.
What was it with me and best friends?
“Coffee?” Felix asked, blinking at me, the faintest flicker of disappointment killing the sparkle in his eyes for a moment.
I hated that.
“Coffee,” I repeated. “Need coffee. Want coffee?”
Great. My best friend was a famous author and I couldn’t handle basic grammar right now.
“Okay,” Felix said, frowning. “Are you sure you’re—”
“I’m fine,” I interrupted, too fast to be convincing. “Just in danger of falling asleep. Black?”
“Is there creamer?”
“There’shazelnutcreamer,” I offered, wondering if Felix liked hazelnuts. There was so much I didn’t know about all-grown-up Felix.
Felix laughed. “That’s the sexiest thing anyone’s said to me all week.”
The tips of my ears burned, but hopefully Felix was too far away to notice. “Hazelnut creamer it is, then,” I said. “Be right back.”
As I ducked out of the living room and into the kitchen, I couldn’t help thinking that I’d just been at an important crossroads in my life.
I really hoped I hadn’t taken a wrong turn.
5
Felix
“You don’t haveto see me out, it’s cold out here,” I said as Kieran followed me to my rental car—a non-descript, dusty black hatchback.
“Ido,” Kieran responded. “Or Mom will disown me for being rude.”
In my wildest fantasies, this would be where Kieran pressed me gently against the car, put both hands on my hips, and pressed his forehead to mine, making me wait for my kiss goodbye, warmed by the heat of each other’s bodies.
