Gray:Gotta behonest, wasn’twhat I was expecting, either
That was comforting. I mighthave been an open book to these guys, but at least it wasn’t a picturebook. Something literary. Something with nuance and hidden meaning and extendedmetaphors.
Or at least a grade-threereader, anyway.
Lucas:Are youdone coming out? I wanna go back to bed
Coming out.
Jesus.
Was that what I just did?
Another wave of panic roseup in my chest, squeezing my lungs.Coming out. That huge, terrifyingmoment where you waited for everyone you knew and loved to tell you they didn’t know or loveyou anymore?
I’d never thought I’d have todo that. I didn’t understand how everyone I knewhaddone it.
I…
But it was over, wasn’t it?
I’d done it. Without a moment’sthought.
Because I trusted myfriends. I knew they’d support me no matter what. The thought that this wassomething I couldn’t say had never occurred to me.
I didn’t deserve them.They were better people than I’d done anything to earn.
And yet, here they were.Listening to me pour my confused heart out a little after midnight.
Not passing judgment, either.Not making me feel like they didn’t or couldn’t love me anymore.
Giving me hell, but whatelse was new?
I’m done.
I was done. It was over, andit was…okay?
Not necessarily between meand Ashley, but between me and my friends. Myfamily.
I’d tell my sister about itafter the honeymoon. There was no way I was making the happiest day of her lifeall about me.
Thanks for listening.Please don’tbe weird with Ashley tomorrow. I don’t deserve you guys.
A sense of calm washed overme as I hit send.
Things were okay. My lifewasn’tending.
It was fine if I wasattracted to men. Ofcourseit was. All the best, most caring, bravestpeople I knew were.
I’d known all that, but I’dnever expected to be among them.
Honestly? I was kind ofthrilled to feel what they’d felt. To understand. To beoneof them, insteadof the token straight friend. Which I guess I never really was.
It’d just taken a sweet,thoughtful, brave drag queen to make me realize it.
There was a thought I’d never expectedto have.
Gray:Night,Logan
