“Wasn’t planning on chargingyou,” I said. I’d already made up my mind not to send an invoice for this job,and I’d handle Gray. This was more important than money. There’d be anotherjob. I’d work twice as many hours if I had to.
But I couldn’t stand thethought of getting paid to take care of Ashley. I wanted to do it because hefelt safe around me and I felt good about that.
“You’ll get paid,” Grandmainsisted. “Even if I have to shove dollar bills into your waistband like astripper.”
I blinked.
Well.
I knew she made regulartrips to Vegas, so I wasn’t sure why I was surprised.
Mostly because I wouldn’t have made itvery far as a stripper. Didn’t have the rhythm or the sex appeal. Not the rightkindof sex appeal,anyway.
“I’d rather find a way tohelp him,” I said. “I want…”
I knew what I wanted, butsaying it aloud would make itreal.
Grandma set a hot chocolatedown in front of me and, as promised, poured a generous shot of whiskey intoit. She did the same to her own mug, sitting down and leaving the bottle in themiddle of the table.
“One of us might need it,”she said when I looked at it.
I got the feelingbothof us might need it. She didn’t want to see Ashley suffer any more than I did.
“I wanna ask him to comeback to Sacramento with me,” I admitted, curling my hands around my mug. “But…I can’t, can I?”
“You can ask,” Grandma said.“But you’d be putting him in one helluva position.”
Yeah. It wasn’t that Icouldn’task him, but Ithought maybe I shouldn’t. It might not make things better for him. Itmight make themworse.
“Would his parents disownhim? Really?”
Grandma shook her head. “They wouldn’t gothat far. Wouldn’t kick him out—couldn’t, I still own this place even thoughthey forget it. But they could crush his soul. Them and everyone else in thislittle armadillo of a town.”
“Armadillo?” I asked.
“Curled up in on itself tohide the vulnerable parts, hard shell on the outside,” she explained. “Wasn’talways like this, either. When I was Ashley’s age, this was a nice place. Butit didn’t last. Mismanagement, cheap land, disgruntled locals, ill-advised taxbreaks,andhikes… they turned itinto something else. Nobody’s fault. Just a lot of people out there scared andready to lash out at anything that makes them feel threatened. They’re wrong,but they’re human. That’s how humans are.”
“Not all humans,” I said.
I’d seen what she was talkingabout, and I’d seen it in some of the worst ways, but there was also hope.Scared people, people who had nothing left to lose, people who were hungry andin pain and terrified for their lives… those were some of the kindest people I’dever met. The first to give the last of what they had to anyone in need.
It was justthesepeople, and I couldn’t bring myself to like them.
“No,” she agreed. “But there’sno point in blaming them for what they are, and no helping it, either. Theproblem isn’t people knowing Ashley’s gay. They know. He’s not subtle. Theproblem would be if he made them confront it. It’s notrealuntil he saysit, and thatnot realprotects him. If that goes away…”
“Then he’s got nothing toprotect him,” I said, understanding.
Had my friends been throughthis? They’dnever really talked about it. Not to me, anyway.
Maybe they hadn’t felt theycould.
I wanted them to feel likethey could, if it was something they wanted to tell me. I wanted to understand.
I’d never have to go throughany of this because they’d already done it. They’d picked people who were good,and kind, and wouldn’t be cruel to them because of who they were. I was honoredto be among that number, but I was just now realizing that I could have donemore, maybe.
I would from here on out. I’d ask what Icould do, and I’d do it.
“He’s got me,” Grandma said.“But that won’t be enough, and I’m not gonna live forever. And you’ll be longgone.”
