He’d leave me all alone, andthat was the kindest thing I could give him right now. Especially since,considering everything I’d just learned, my life was about to get so muchworse.
“Just because I wanted youto be safe. Tofeelsafe,” he finished, defeated, and I almost broke. I didn’tever want to see Gray like this again.
Which meant hehadtoleave. Because I’d only hurt him over and over again.
“Youabandonedme,” I said, whichwasn’t even close to what I’d intended. It’d come out ragged and broken, tooloud, my lips trembling as soon as the words escaped me.
I’d felt abandoned. I wasn’tover it. The whole reason I couldn’t cope with anything today was the gnawingin my gut over having woken up alone when I’d expected Gray to be there.
Feelings I should have beenover by now had filled up my chest, in my throat, and I’d just barely been holdingthem back.
Tears sprang up in thecorners of my eyes. I knew the whole story now. I shouldn’t still havefelt this way.
“I’m not your mother,” Graysaid, and he sounded just as hurt as I felt, and that only made it worse.
With all the willpower I hadleft, I met his gaze for what I realized would be the last time. The world feltlike it was falling away under me, as though there was nothing but air under myfeet and I’dfall the moment I looked down.
“Get out,” I said, aiming atfirm but falling short of the mark and hitting desperate. Not bursting intotears in front of Gray was the best I could hope for right now.
Gray looked at me for a fewlong seconds, and then nodded. “If that’s what you want,” he said.
In the few seconds it tookhim to walk to the door, open it, slip through, and shut it behind him with asoft click, I wanted to run to him. I wanted to run to him, wrap my arms aroundhis neck, and sob against his chest until I was exhausted.
But I wouldn’t, and I couldn’t,and I’d just have to be as strong as everyone else thought I was.
I’d just pushed away the onlyperson who’d ever seen me weak.
TWENTY-SIX
GRAY
“YOUR BEER CAME in,” I said as I put the case on Fox’sdesk. I’d promised him whatever he wanted, and I always delivered. Even if I’dthought he was just making shit up when his request wasYoung’s DoubleChocolate Stout.
But no, as it turned out,that was a real thing. And I hadn’t even had to import it all the way from England,there’d been a supplier in LA who’d shipped me a case.
It’d been at the front desk ofmy apartment building right after I’d gone home from my fight with Miles, and I’dgrabbed the distraction with both hands.
I didn’t want to bealone right now. Giving Fox something he was looking forward to would at leastsave me from thinking about it for a few minutes, and that was better thannothing.
The way Fox’s eyes lit upreallydidlift the cloudsa little, and I was grateful for his excitement.
I hadn’t losteverything. I still had Fox, and Logan, and I thought maybe I’d go visit Docfor a few days, clear my head. He’d always been good at that.
“Took a little finding,” Isaid, trying to sound more cheerful than I felt. “But I’ve never let you downyet.”
“You have not,” Fox said,reaching out to stroke the neck of one of the bottles like it was a preciousartifact from a long-lost civilization. “Have I mentioned lately that I loveyou?”
Snorting, I sat down behindmy desk and set down the jar of cookie butter I’d picked up on the way.
“I see you’ve joined thebourgeoisie,” Fox said, nodding to it.
“I did what now?” I lookedup, happy to latch onto any thread that didn’t involve thinking about Miles.
Fox rolled his eyesdramatically. “Dothey not teach history in American schools? The upper class. Rich people,” hesaid.
“I know whatbourgeoisiemeans,” I said. “I justdon’t know what I did.”
Fox nodded to the cookiebutter again. “Ican’t afford to set foot in a Trader Joe’s.”
