“I was trying to get to thebottom of this,” Gray defended, and by now blood was pounding so hard in myears that I’d almost forgotten what he was responding to. “So you’d be safe.”
Right. He’d gone toconfront my… stalker? Harasser?
I wasn’t sure what tocall everything that’d been going on the last few weeks. Honestly, I’d stillbeen telling myself it wasn’t happening, that it’d all been a coincidence.
The thought that I’d been workingin the same building as the person doing this made me want to throw up. Knowingit hadn’t been malicious made surprisingly little difference to how hurt I was,how violated I felt.
The thought that it wassomeone I knew, someone Ilikedmade it even worse. I hadn’t broken up withJimmy because I hated him. He just wasn’t my kind of person, and I figured Iwas better off unhappy alone than dragging us both down.
“I’m sorry, Miles,” Graysaid, and I heard him say it, but it felt as though it passed over my brainlike white noise. I didn’t want to hear an apology.
I wanted to hear that I’d been imaginingall of this. That it hadn’t happened to me.
Hadn’tenoughhappened to me?
“You have to make a decisionabout what you’re going to do,” he said. “Today. And that’s too much pressureto put on you, I know, but this has all been dumped on your shoulders. I’ll bewith you every step of the way, but youhaveto deal with it.Now.”
Something about Gray’s tone made mebristle. What right did he have to tell me what I had to do?
“I don’t have to doanything,” I said, my stomach tensing at the thought of talking back to Gray. Ihated the way this conversation was going, but I didn’t know how to make itstop.
The way Gray looked at memade me want to run from the room all over again. He washurt.
The expression only lasted ahalf-second, but I’d seen it. It’d be etched into my mind forever.
I didn’t want to hurthim. I couldn’tstandthe thought of hurting him.
But it was too late for thatnow.
The best thing I could dowas just…remove myself from his life. So I couldn’t hurt him anymore. So I wouldn’tdrive him to hating me, like my mom eventually had. She couldn’t stand lookingat me toward the end.
I’d overheard her telling Dadso.
“I can’t make you,” Graysaid, straightening up and taking a half-step back. “But for your own safety…”
“Oh, sonowyou care aboutmy safety,”I snarled, steeling myself to do what I needed to. It had to be like tearingoff a bandaid. Quick, so that the pain all happened at once instead oflingering.
My stomach flipped over, theurge to throw up suddenly a tight bubble under my breastbone. I swallowed itdown, determined, and summoned all the anger and betrayal I’d felt thismorning.
Gray was better off withoutme. I’dalways be like this. I was just letting him see how stupid, pathetic andinsecure I could get. How needy. HowimpossibleI could be.
How unlovable I was.
“Where was your concern formy safety this morning?” I asked. “You know. When it wasyour jobto protect me.To care aboutmysafety. Not about playing the hero. Not about trying toimpress…whoever the hell you were trying to impress.”
“You!” Gray said, raisinghis voice. It was the first time he’d done it, and it made me wince.
For the first time, I lookedat him and saw a big guy. The big guy he’d warned me he was thatfirst night. Until now, he’d never seemed that way. Never seemed intimidatingat all.
Now, though, I’d made him mad.Pushed all the right buttons to make him bristle.
And he still wasn’tshouting. I could see bythe look on his face that he hadn’t intended to raise his voice, that I was pushinghim to the edge, but I would have pushed him there eventually, anyway. It wouldhave hurt both of us a lot more if I’d let this drag on, until he got sick ofme being needy and demanding and difficult.
Until he walked away, hatingme for all the time and joy I’d stolen from him.
“Not even to impress you,”he said, voice still a touch louder than it would normally have been. Knowing I’dreally upset him made my heart clench, but this was happening now. I couldn’tstop it. It was too late.
Gray had seen me for thespoiled, stubborn brat I really was underneath the layers of tragic backstory,and now he’dleave.
