19
“Look atthatone,” Ezra said, pointing to a house where the lights seemed to be flowing over the edges of the roof like a waterfall, the way they were blinking on and off adding to the effect. The houses on this street ranged from tastefully understated to blindingly bright, full of inflatable snow globes and animatronic reindeer on the roofs.
Mike liked Christmas lights as much as anyone else—maybe a little more, since he was really still a kid at heart in a lot of ways—but the best part of the night was seeing Ezra’s face light up over all of them.
Sometimes Ezra would stop in front of something incredible, and Mike wouldn’t look at it until they were moving on because he was too busy looking at Ezra’s face. His heart swelled every time he saw Ezra grinning, open and happy, like this was the best night of his life.
The thought that maybehewas contributing to that made him tingle with happiness.
It was just cool enough for them to walk shoulder-to-shoulder, Ezra actually wearing a sweater for once in his life. Mike recognized it as one he’d left behind in Ezra’s room when he’d dressed to leave before he was missed.
Mike wanted to kiss him.
He wanted to kiss him all the time, now.
But there were so many people here, and he had no idea how any of them would react, let alone howEzrawould react to that.
Ezra’s laughter stopped his thoughts in their tracks, and he turned to see what was so funny to find two light-up reindeers in… a compromising position on the lawn in front of them.
“Do you think they’re meant to be like that?” Ezra asked. “Or has someone moved them?”
Mike shrugged, more interested in the way Ezra was grinning again than the reindeer. “Around here? Who knows. Not sure that’s how reindeer, uh…”
“Do it,” Ezra finished for him. “I have no idea. I can ask Oscar for you.”
“Donot,” Mike said. “Do not tell Oscar that I was wondering how reindeers get it on. I’ll never live it down.”
Ezra turned to look at him, the full force of his grin hitting Mike, his eyes glittering as the lights around them blinked on and off in the darkness around them.
He was beautiful. If Mike still thought he wasn’t attracted to men, this moment would have been enough to change that. Every time he looked at Ezra tonight, his stomach swooped.
The urge to kiss Ezra welled up all over again, but Mike still couldn’t bring himself to actuallydoit.
Instead, he reached out and brushed their fingers together, testing the waters. Would Ezra be okay with this?
Ezra looked up, his eyes wide with surprise, but Mike could see how eager he was. Howokaythis was, for Ezra.
“You don’t have to,” he murmured, and Mike’s heart clenched.
He wanted to. He wanted to give Ezra this, this little gesture of affection for all the world to see if they looked close enough. It was the least Ezra deserved.
For the last two weeks, Ezra had been kind, and patient, and so good to Mike that he could hardly remember being happier. This wasn’t about sex or experimenting or anything else, Mike realized.
Steeling himself, he curled his fingers around Ezra’s. His pulse pounded in his ears for a moment, a rush of blood to the head making him dizzy among all the flashing lights, but then Ezra shifted his hand and linked their fingers together, and the world settled down again.
“I want to,” Mike said, tugging on Ezra’s hand just a little so they could keep walking, his cheeks burning. Hopefully, in the dark, that wouldn’t be as obvious as he felt.
Giddy joy curled around the pit of his stomach. This was perfect.
They walked in silence for a while, stopping to look at each house for long moments, hands still clasped together, shoulders brushing. Mike was aware of every set of eyes on him in a way he never had been before, but no onesaidanything.
No one marched their children to the other side of the street, or glared at them as they walked past.
This was okay.
Maybe hecoulddo this.
Smiling, Mike stroked his thumb along Ezra’s hand, wanting to communicate some tiny fraction of how he felt right now. How excited he was to be with him.
