“I’m sorry,” Mike added, finally turning to look Ezra in the eyes.
“I’m not gay either,” Ezra said, confused about what Mike was getting at. He understood the concept of bisexuality, didn’t he? “Girls are still hot. But there’s also this gorgeous boy who I keep falling into bed with…”
Mike swallowed, still not smiling, and Ezra’s stomach sank. This was bothering him more than he’d let on before, obviously. Or maybe it was onlystartingto bother him now.
“Your phone case is a pride flag,” Mike responded, and Ezra suddenly understood what they were talking about.
Not whether or not Mike was gay, or bi, or whatever, but whether or not he could beout. Which was something that had been worrying Ezra for a while now.
“Mike…”
“Don’t tell me it’s okay,” Mike said in a hurry, his voice tight. “It’s so easy when I’mwithyou. But as soon as I’m not… it’s not easy anymore. I don’t know how you do it.”
“Practice,” Ezra said. “And it kinda helps to be literally surrounded by queers all the time.”
Mike snorted, so at least they were getting somewhere.
“I can’t tell you what to do,” Ezra said. “You have to decide what kind of person you want to be for yourself. But…”
He paused, trailing his hand down Mike’s arm and linking their fingers together, wanting desperately for Mike to understand that this was okay, that things were all right between them.
“I’m here. You’re with me right now. And things can be easy.”
Ezra knew there was every chance Mike would decide that, easy as it was when they were alone together, it was too hard the rest of the time. That he could choose to shut the closet door again and go back to telling himself he was straight, write this off as a passing experiment with an open-minded friend.
There was no way to stop him, either. All Ezra could do was offer support.
All hewantedto do was offer support. If Mike didn't want to be here, there was no point in trying to force him to be.
“I like being with you,” Mike said, a tiny, shy smile turning up the corner of his lips.
“I like being with you, too,” Ezra murmured, happy to take that for the time being.
He didn't need promises or big declarations. All he needed was for Mike to be here, and to want to stay.
All he needed was for Mike not to abandon him again.
