Finn’s stomach hurt.
“I liked you from literally the first minute I met you. You were cute and quiet and then you turned out to be as big a dork as I am and you wanted to rescue animals with me. And then you were so goddamncoolwith Ollie. How could Inotlike you?”
“You didn’t think for even one second about how life might be… easier, for you, if you were with someone who was better-paid?” Nolan asked.
Finn could hardly believe what he was hearing. “No,” he said, tears he had no intention of shedding stinging at the corners of his eyes.
“No, not once. I never cared about your job and you looked ridiculous in a suit. I was daydreaming about a life together where you finally told Gavin where to shove it and took that job teaching kids, and maybe you’d come down to the sanctuary on Friday afternoons still, and we’d both go home to the same crappy apartment somewhere, but it wouldn’tmatterthat the apartment was crappy, because we’d be living the lives we wanted. We’d behappy. And together.”
Finn paused to take a deep breath.
“I never wanted you to take me away from all this,” he added. “I wanted to takeyouaway from it. From the moment I saw the way Gavin smirked when he handed that date over to you. I hated that he treated you like that.”
Nolan swallowed audibly.
“Everyone I meet finds out what I do and then looks at me like I’m gonna be a charity case for life, someone they’ll have to support if they stick around long enough. I thought you were different. But you’re not,” Finn said. “Gavin’s gonna turn you into him. A mean, bitter bully with no friends and a drinking problem, and you’re gonnalethim because you think him being your cousin means something.”
“I thought you weren’t gonna tell me who was and wasn’t family to me,” Nolan said.
“Yeah, well, I lied.” Finn undid his seatbelt, pushing the car door open and stepping out into the rain. “Gavin’s not your family. But I could have been. Weallcould have been. I…”
He paused, swallowed, and then decided he was going to say it. Maybe it wouldn’t dothemany good, but if Nolan knew what he’d really lost, it might just wake him up to how toxic Gavin was to him.
“I love you,” he said. “And that’s real whether you believe it or not. But I guess you didn’t really feel the same way.”
Nolan stared at him, but he didn’tsayanything. Finn didn’t want to force him into anything, and definitely not a choice between him and Gavin, but this was bigger than that.
This was a choice between believing that the happiest weeks of Finn’s life had been real for him, and believing that he would have done all that, everything they’d had together, for a few thousand dollars in donations to the sanctuary.
Ithurt.
It hurt so much more than Finn had imagined it could have to know that he was losing Nolan. That maybe he’d already lost him.
Fine.
Fine.
He could walk away from this. He could at least keep that much of his dignity.
“I’m going,” he said, ducking all the way out of the car.
“I’ll take you home,” Nolan said softly.
NotI love you too. Not evenI could love you one day. NotI’m sorry, which was all Finn really wanted to hear.
“No, you won’t,” Finn said, pushing the car door so it swung closed and turning his back.
He could barely even feel the rain over the pain of his heart cracking in two.
