26
Throwing himself into work after spending the weekend sulking had been reasonably easy for Nolan up until lunchtime on Friday.
Then he’d had to awkwardly explain that he wasn’t going to the sanctuary today to everyone he worked with, individually, because they all asked.
Nolan hadn’t realized they even noticed he was gone. He didn’t think anyone really cared.
He’d done enough work over the past week to last for six months, taking it home and continuing until he almost passed out and dreaming of server rooms full of sharp teeth instead of his bed, soft laughter, and a warm touch. Nightmares about work were much better than dreams about Finn.
In every moment he didn’t fill with another thought, his brain helpfully replayed Finn walking away from him, disappearing into the rain rather than spending another moment with Nolan.
He wished he’d been able to do something. Say something.
Find the right words to respond to Finn telling him he loved him.
It only occurred to him when he heard it that it was the first time for that, too. That no one had ever loved him before, at least not enough to say it.
Not even his parents. They’d either been proud or disappointed. He couldn’t remember them ever talking in terms of love.
But Finn had. Gorgeous, kind Finn, who Nolan knew didn’t have the capacity to lie to someone the way he’d accused him.
This was Gavin’s fault, but it was alsoNolan’sfault. His fault for not dismissing Gavin outright, for not seeing this as yet another attempt to take something away from Nolan.
Hell, not even an attempt. A complete success. As always, Gavin had gotten exactly what he wanted, and Nolan was left to suffer over it.
Like Finn said, he was a mean, bitter bully. And one day Nolan would have so little faith in people that he’d become just like him. Gavin would find ways to steal all his happiness away.
Which was probably exactly what Gavin wanted. He’d always encouraged Nolan to be tougher with the people he managed.
Nolan had never wanted to be, though. He’d wanted them to have time off for birthdays and weddings and to feel like they could go home if they were sick, because work might have been allhehad, and all Gavin had, but that wasn’t true of everyone.
Other people had families and loved ones and rich, full lives that they went back to when they left here.
And for a brief few weeks, Nolan had that, too.
And now he was still at work when everyone else had gone home because he couldn’t face an empty apartment. Not when it hadn’t been empty on a Friday night for weeks.
His phone vibrated just as he finished that thought, making him jump.
Finn?
No. Ezra.
Nolan’s stomach knotted up. What if something hadhappenedto Finn?
He’d never forgive himself. Not if it meant Finn never knew how much he’d really meant to Nolan, how sorry he was about everything he’d said, how it was all out of fear that no one would ever love him, and that wasn’t an excuse, but it was areasonand he promised he’d do better in the future if they could just stay friends.
Nolan’s hand shook as he opened the message, a sigh of relief escaping him when he saw a picture of Ollie gnawing on one of the nutritional biscuits that smelled strongly of shrimp that Finn had been giving to him.
He looked like he was doing a lot better.
He missed you today, Ezra’s text read.
Hewas probably Ollie, but Nolan couldn’t help thinking of someone else.
Did Finn miss him? Nolan wasn’t sure whether he hoped he did or didn’t. On the one hand, he didn’t want Finn to be as upset as he was over this.
On the other hand…
