Pissing Freddie off wouldn’t accomplish that.
“I just think you could do better,” Freddie said, taking a step toward Oscar.
In a rush, Oscar remembered Ryan insisting that Freddie had a thing for him. His heartbeat sped up, blood pounding in his ears as Freddie began to close the gap between them.
Fear froze him in place, the delicate task of keeping Freddie happy shattering in front of Oscar as he leaned in. Nausea twisted his gut, his fingers curling around the countertop behind him, fingers digging into the unfinished wood hard enough to give him splinters.
Freddie’s lips felt cold and clammy against his own, and he couldn’t have stopped himself from resisting the kiss even if he’d been inclined to give him this in exchange for his family’s support. It was too much.
No one had ever asked him foranythinglike this before. Everyone would understand when he explained himself. Freddie would be mad and they’d probably lose the Kowalskis forever, but he shouldn’t have had to dothis.
Not when he’d finally found someone. Someone he could give his heart to, who’d keep it safe for him.
Who he loved, and who he didn’t want to betray like this.
Oscar finally pried one hand away from the edge of the counter to push against Freddie’s chest, and he knew this had only been going on for a moment, but it felt like an eternity before his hand connected, before he summoned the focus to push him away, panic threatening to overtake any other instinct.
To Oscar’s incredible relief, Freddie backed off when he pushed. His head was still pounding, but at least he’d managed to put some distance between them, give himself a chance to sayno.
Hell no.
He had the best thing that’d ever happened to him right now, and if he hadn’t been sure before, he was now. Ryan was what he wanted. Freddie, who was otherwise perfectly acceptable, was repulsive in comparison.
The thought of having anyone other than Ryan made Oscar feel sick.
Because he was in love with him. Painfully, inescapably in love.
“Oscar?”
The sound of Ryan’s voice made Oscar’s blood run cold. He could hear the waver in it, and before he even looked, he could see the way Ryan’s lip would be trembling in his mind, uncertainty written all over his face.
He pushed harder against Freddie’s chest, disgusted with him.
Furiouswith him in a way he hadn’t been angry with anyone in years. Not since he’d come here.
Heart in his throat, Oscar turned to the door of the shed, where Ryan’s tall frame was more or less filling the entire space.
“It’s not… I didn’t…” he began, but words escaped him as he took in the look on Ryan’s face.
He could see his heart breaking. See what he thought he’d just walked in on, and how deeply that cut for him. This was the one thing that would hurt him the most.
Oscar knew that. He could feel Ryan’s pain in his own chest, his heart clenching tight, his lungs constricted so it was hard to breathe.
“I’ll just… go,” Ryan said softly, backing away a step.
“Wait,” Oscar moved to follow, but Ryan was faster, slamming the door closed behind him.
He didn’t want to be followed.
Besides, what the hell was Oscar going to say? He knew what it looked like. And Ryan was already suspicious of Freddie, and Oscar had brushed off his concerns.
At the time, it was because he hadn’t seen it. But in hindsight, it’d look like any other cheating asshole telling their boyfriend they had nothing to worry about it.
He’d probably had the same conversation with his ex-wife.
Another wave of nausea washed over Oscar at the thought of how Ryan must have felt right now. No amount of apologizing could take this moment away. They might getpastit, but they’d never be like they were before it happened.
“You need to leave,” Oscar said without even looking at Freddie. “I don’t ever want to see you here again.”
He wanted to go to Ryan. He just had to figure out what the hell he was going to say.
