9
Ryan wiped condensation off the mirror in the bathroom after his shower, wondering if there was an extractor fan he should have turned on or a window he should have opened to prevent turning the place into a sauna.
He couldn’t immediately see either, so it wasn’t as though he’d missed them in his hurry to get the first shower.
Which was actually a hurry to get away from Oscar and give himself a minute to clear his head.
Oscar leaning on him had felt good in a way Ryan absolutely hadn’t expected. Being allowed to touch him was nice.
And then when they’d both fallen through the door, something had… sparked. Something deep in Ryan’s gut, a feeling that had shocked him more than anything, even though he’d wondered often enough if hecouldfeel it with other men.
Maybe it was because it’d been too long since he’d had any real physical contact with anyone, butdamn. The trust and the little swell of affection he’d felt were almost too much for him, enough that he needed time and space to deal with them.
Emotionally, he was beginning to realize, he was still a mess. And he wasn’t sure how to solve that.
It probably started with letting himself enjoy other people’s company. Oscar’s included.
Even if rubbing his feet with an audience had definitely been a mistake. He’d tried to be casual about it, but the whole thing had made him feel exposed and vulnerable. Like he was letting people see some part of himself that he was supposed to keep hidden.
The part of himself that was maybe enjoying exchanging affection with a man. Which the Kowalskis both thought was a given, but was still new toRyan.
Post-shower, though, he felt better. Clearer. Like it was just a momentary lapse, fueled by exhaustion and nerves at being in a strange place with strange people. The Kowalskis had turned out to be really nice, but they were stillstrangers.
It took a lot of energy to deal with them, was all. He’d feel better after a good night’s sleep.
Towel tucked firmly around his waist, Ryan headed back out into the bedroom to give Oscar the chance to shower, too. He wasn’t sure if the guy was more of an evening or morning shower person, but it seemed polite to at least let him have the opportunity.
“All yours,” he said, running his hand through his wet hair as Oscar looked up at him.
And stared.
Which was…
Not the worst thing that’d ever happened to him?
No one ever really seemed to notice Ryan much at all, other than his height. Oscar had to be used to that by now, so that wasn’t why he was staring.
A little curl of excitement that maybe Oscar was looking at him because he liked what he saw made Ryan’s gut feel tight. Did he want that?
“Okay, I’m dying to know,” Oscar began. “What did you mean when you said you wanted to try out being bisexual?”
Ryan blinked.
He thought he’d gotten away with that remark, that Oscar had decided to ignore it, but… clearly not.
“I, uh…” he shifted his weight from foot to foot. “It was… a joke?” he tried.
“No it wasn’t,” Oscar said. “I mean, it wasphrasedlike a joke, but I don’t think it actually was.”
Pulse pounding in his ears, Ryan swallowed. What was he supposed to say to that?
Oscar was right. Ithadn’tbeen a joke. It had been an uncomfortable thought he’d been hanging onto for a long time and never been brave enough to express before. And it was complicated and tied up with a whole lot of other feelings, and he didn’t know how to separate those from each other.
But Oscar was looking at him like he’d listen if Ryan tried.
And he’d never had the chance to try before.
It was too good an opportunity to pass up. Oscar would listen, and maybe even be a little sympathetic, and might even have an answer or two for him.
