Guy must have looked a lot like Nicholas when he wasyoung, she thought absently, with a light dusting of freckles across his noseand a shock of fair hair that continually fell over his brow. As Nicholasswiped it away, his face scrunched in avid concentration, she almost hatedherself for the scheme she nurtured. Yet she could not send Nicholas away,though she knew it was selfish of her to spend so much time with him. The childwould probably be hurt when one day she mysteriously disappeared.
Leila was besieged by a now-familiar heartache. She didnot even want to think about how Guy would feel.
He had been twice as solicitous of her since that awfulscene with Philip, and there had been many times during their nights togetherwhen she had questioned the plan that drove her. It was so easy to fear she wasmaking a terrible mistake when she was sated and flushed from passion, hiswhispers of love lulling her to sleep.
She was glad she hardly saw him in the daytime. Thatwould have made things twice as difficult.
Thankfully Guy had been kept busy dealing with theWelsh insurgents—most of whom had already been caught and punished, theirrebellion crushed—and training his knights so they might be ever ready forwarfare. Yet though their paths rarely crossed except in the evening, memoriesof his fervent night whispers haunted her every waking moment, branded as theywere upon her heart.
Leila could not suppress a sigh as she touched theglittering ring. Being in love with a man she was desperate to leave was thecruelest torture.
"All done!" Nicholas chirped, shattering hermelancholy reverie. He looked at the bare table in front of her. "Aren'tyou going to cutany more?"
Leila gave a small laugh which sounded hollow to her ears."I guess I don't work as fast as you." Setting her cutting knife andthe bolt of linen on the table, she rose from her stool and fetched hisfur-lined jacket from a peg near the door. "I have a better idea,Nicholas. Why don't you run to the kitchen and tell the cook to send some hotcider and honey rolls to the hospital? We've both worked so hard thismorning,I'd say we deserve a treat to tide us over untilthe midday meal. What do you think?"
Nicholas bobbed his head, hardly able to stand still asLeila helped him into his jacket. He ran to the door, calling out to her overhis shoulder, "If you cut more bandages, Lady Leila, don't roll them. Iwant to do it when I get back!" Then he flew outside, the room becoming eerilysilent as if much of its life had been sapped by the child's departure.
Shivering, Leila closed the door firmly against thebrisk wind outside. She had never experienced such low temperatures inDamascus, even at the height of winter. Here, though it was only late fall, shealways felt chilled, and on the numerous days when it rained she was miserableindeed.
Guy had told her that colder, wetter weather was yet tocome, but she couldn't imagine it growing any worse. He had also said snowmight fall, at least in the hills. The only snow she had ever seen was theyear-round frost atop mighty MountKassioun, and thatonly from a distance.
Another first among many, Leila thought with a sense ofresignation, donning her fur-lined mantle against the chill. She suspected shemight very well see a winter atWarenneCastle unlessher cache of coins grew at a faster rate.
Wondering how she might accomplish that, Leila pickedup the large coal bucket near the door and went to each of the five braziersset about the room, replenishing them as needed. Straightening up from havingfilled the last one, she was suddenly assailed by dizziness and dropped thebucket. Coals rolled across the planked floor.
"Oh, no she groaned, sinking down on a bed fleckedwith coal dust. Resting her flushed face in her hands, she had the very realsensation that she was going to retch. She tried to swallow it down, but—
She upturned the bucket just in time.
When she was finished a few moments later, she knewthat her worst suspicion was confirmed. There was another challenge she mustface. She was pregnant.
She had hoped against hope that she was wrong when shemissed her monthly flux two weeks ago, but the noticeable changes in her bodyall pointed to the same conclusion. She could have read them from one of herfather's medical texts on childbearing—the swollen tenderness in her breasts,her unusual sluggishness, her pale complexion. . .
She glanced miserably at the bucket. Now this.
She rose shakily and walked over to the tall cupboardwhere she kept all her medicines, well out of Nicholas's reach, and searchedthrough the vials and small crocks until she found the cardamom. Using a pestleand mortar, she crushed the seeds into an aromatic powder,thenstirred in some cool water. She didn't bother to pour the mixture into agoblet. Lifting the pestle, she drank it down, hoping theantinauseantwould act quickly.
It did. In minutes she felt better. She dampened acloth and wiped her face and mouth, grateful that her lightheadedness had allbut disappeared. After pulling clean linen from a low drawer and grabbing abroom, she went back to the bed, anxious to clean up the mess before Nicholasreturned. She was so intent on changing the coal dust-blackened sheets that shewasn't aware that the door had opened until she felt a cool breeze on her back.
"Close the door, Nicholas," she said, "andsit down at the table. I'll be right there."
"What happened, Leila? There are coals all the wayto the door."
She gasped, shoving the offensive bucket under the bedas she whirled around.
"Guy!" It still felt strange to call him byhis first name, but he had insisted she do so when he gave her the ring. Sheglanced from the telltale coals at his feet to his concerned face. "I—Itripped, 'tis all," she stammered, trying to regain her composure. "Whilefilling the braziers. But I'm fine. Really."
"The servants should be doing that for you,"he said almost sternly, shutting the door and walking toward her. "Or didyou dismiss them again?"
Leila managed a nonchalant shrug, though his unnervingpresence made her feelanything but calm. He seemed to dwarfthe room.
"It looked to be another slow day, so there was nosense in keeping them here. I thought they might have other things to do."That was true enough. During the first two weeks she had spent at the hospital,she and the three serving women Guy had chosen to help her had done a lot ofstaring at each other. Now she just sent them away in the morning, saying she'dcall upon them if needed. Attempting to change the subject, she added, "Haveyou and your men finished training so soon?"
Guynodded,his face grim ashe surveyed the empty room. "Nicholas stopped to watch us on his way tothe kitchen. When I asked him how your morning was going, do you know what hesaid? 'No sick people today, Papa.' I'm convinced my tenants have been warnedaway from your hospital, but I can't confront the man I believe to be theculprit until I've had a chance to find out if there's any truth in mysuspicion."
"Philip?" she asked softly, though shealready sensed it was he. He had avoided her as if she were a leper since theyhad all stood together in this room.
"Yes. I'm taking some of my men with me into thevillages to ask questions. I should know by sunset if Philip has broken ouragreement." Guy reached out and stroked the side of her face. "Areyou sure you're all fight? You're so pale."
