“I don’t understand what changed. I thought you loved your bachelor life.”
“When we got married—” I open my mouth to interject. “Let me finish, B. When we got married, sham or not, I came home, and something was missing. I had a wife who wasn’t by my side,youweren’t by my side. We both know my parents fucked me up for life in the relationship department, so I didn’t think anything of it. As time passed though, an instinctual and overwhelming feeling of want came over me. And not until recently did I realize I could separate myself from my childhood trauma to be the person my wife deserved. And if you weren’t my wife already, I’d still pick you, Belle. It’s only ever been you.”
His words send my pulse racing. I’ve wanted this my whole life, but I never put myself out there, afraid of rejection and the pain it would cause.
But the man in front of me is so different from the Jack I know, and he seems so sure of his decision. It also makes so much sense now why he’s been acting jealous and possessive.
“How recent?” I ask, and it’s clear he’s confused. “You said not until recently did you realize, so how recently?”
“What does that matter? I’ve always had feelings for you. I never pursued it because, at the time, I knew I couldn’t treat you the way you deserved, I wasn’t going to risk ever hurting you, but now I know for sure I never would.”
Although his words hit me deeply, I don’t let up. “How recently?”
He sits back and crosses his arms, annoyed. “It’s irrelevant. What matters is that I’m ready.”
I blow out a loud, frustrated breath. “Jack,” I chastise. “You can’t just decide one day you want a relationship, and then bam, it happens.”
“Are you not hearing me? I’m telling you I purposely kept my feelings for you a secret all this time because I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m not going to fuck that up now. If I’m saying I’m ready, I mean I’m all in.”
Split in two. That’s how I feel.
One side of me is squealing like a teenager, happy her first crush is paying her attention. The other side reminds me that I’m fragile in this department and shouldn’t rush into anything.
Even if it’s Jack.
I hesitate. How do I say this without hurting his feelings?
Because, fuck.
I’ve dreamt of the day I could be his girlfriend for most of my life, so I can’t even believe I’m fighting him on this. But my insecurity with men is getting the best of me.
“Jack.” I sigh. “You’re not exactly boyfriend material.”
His eyes grow wide. “What the hell are you talking about, B?”
“You’re a man of many women. You may think you want to settle, but down the road, one woman won’t be enough. You’re forty years old. You don’t just decide you suddenly want a relationship out of nowhere after pushing them away your whole life.”
“So you’re judging me, is that what I’m hearing? Because I have a past? You are aware that people are allowed to change, right?”
“No, Jack. I’m protecting my heart.”
He crosses his arms, annoyed. “I never knew you to be so judgmental, Annabelle.”
My stomach drops. I am being a judgmental cow, I know I am, and it’s fucked up. It’s not what Jack deserves at all.
“If you need me to prove it, I will.” He adds it with such reverence, it’s scary.
“What does that mean?” I ask in a rush, only he ignores me, putting on his headphones and closing his eyes for the ten minutes we have left.
I’m still in shock, sitting here staring at him after this discussion, completely confused as to what just went down.
What I do know is that I really upset Jack in a way I never knew I could. I saw it the second he said I was judgmental, the disappointment that I would be so critical of his so-called past life.
And although I’m trying to protect myself, knowing my insecurities, I’ve just broken a little bit of my heart because hurting Jack hurts me like nothing else in this world.
Could Jack honestly be ready for a relationship after all these years?
And do I want to be his first one?
