The thought of expressing more than I should've was stressing me out, so I reached for the bottle of wine and poured myself more, after draining my wine glass. "It's exhausting. It's making me feel like something is wrong with me. I know I'm pretty—scratch that, I'm fine as hell and interesting enough to make someone actually want to stick around. The dating pool has pee in it." I murmured with disgust.
"There ain't nothin' wrong wit' chu' Nyne." Syx spoke up, after being quiet for a brief moment, tracing his fingers along the rim of the glass.
"You don't know that."
"I do." His voice was firm. "I've spent nearly two weeks wit' you. I've seen you at your most vulnerable states when you're frustrated and when you're raw, and there ain't shit wrong wit' chu'. Niggas out here are flawed as hell, wit' intentions of goin' into something. You'd be surprised at how many of them prey on women. They ain't worth you taking the fall for. They were raised by a simp ass nigga, who was raised by a simp ass nigga,who birthed other simp ass niggas. They don't deserve you. They don't see what's in front of them."
"And what's that?" The question came out as barely a whisper.
He gazed at me for a moment, just a beat too long, before taking a bite of his own fruit. "A woman worth keeping," he said simply, then gestured towards my plate. "Are you done eating?"
I stared at him, my heart hammering in my chest. The air between us felt charged, electric and something was hovering just beneath the surface. But he'd already moved on, cutting another piece of fish like he hadn't just said something that made my entire body feel like it was on fire. Syx was probably just being nice and attentive, but it was making me feel seen and heard. It was part of my love language that I hadn't endured in a long time.
Picking up my fork with shaky hands, I forced myself to eat. The food was good, but I barely had a taste for anything else after that.
"Why do you care so much?" I asked, trying to keep my voice casual.
He shrugged. "Just curious about it and mainly trying to make small talk. Does it offend you?"
"Not really, but what you said makes sense," I retorted.
I was feeling an aching pull, like a desperate hope that there was something more brewing between us than what he was letting on.
"This was nice," he said, his voice warm. "I'm glad we did this again."
"Me too," I spoke quietly.
"You should get some rest after dinner," he continued, standing to clear some of the dishes. "Tomorrow we can work on more techniques if you want, or we can just relax…whatever youwant to do. I've already made you cum, so that eliminates the hard part." He jested.
I grinned, trying my best not to blush too hard. "I guess that means you know what you're doing."
Cockily, he chuckled as he spread his arms apart. "I told you I'm good at what I do and we used other ways and techniques."
"So what's next?" I inquired because the hard part was over.
The grin faded off his face with an intense linger that I'd gotten familiar with.
"We keep fucking. We're not chasing time Nyne. You don't have to leave prematurely, but you have free will. I've already did the hard part."
My heart thumped loudly, so loud I could hear it through my chest. I stood up on uneasy legs after thanking him for dinner, because I couldn't negotiate with his plans. Honestly, I figured, since we covered the groundwork, there wouldn't be much left to do. Syx had figured my body out already. He'd been nothing but professional in the best way and seemingly interested in my crazy ass.
Yet, I was reading romance into his words and phrases like there were meanings behind them. It made me sort of pathetic, because I was putting myself in a mental psychosis. Reaching the top of the stairs, I took long strides to my bedroom, opening the door and leaning against it while pressing my palms to my hot cheeks.
Somewhere along the way, this had stopped being about learning my body and started being about him. I had no idea if any of it was real or if I was just another woman falling for her teacher, mistaking professional care for something deeper.
After showering, brushing my teeth and doing my nightly facial routine, I changed into some pajamas and climbed into bed, but sleep felt impossible. My mind kept racing. I tossed and turned all night without an outlet that would lead me tohaving a decent night's rest. Boredom wavered over me because I was determined to find anything to keep me busy instead of wallowing over Syx. For a while I scrolled on Facebook, went to Instagram and replied to a few comments on my posts, then I ended up on TikTok where I kept cackling at every damn thing. My eyes darted at the time and it was thirty minutes past midnight—way over my damn bedtime, but I still couldn't sleep, so I popped a few melatonin hoping it'd kick in soon enough.
With the sheets below my belly button, I gazed at the ceiling feeling the weight of my heavy lids. This place was beautiful and the meaning of everlasting peace and as badly as I didn't want to leave, I couldn't abandon my real life. Part of me had no idea how I was supposed to drag myself away from this and leave my heart here with a man who might not even want it. I closed my eyes practically forcing myself to sleep, until three sharp raps made me jump violently forcing my eyes open.
My heart hammered against my ribs. I thought I was alone. The house had been quiet for a while and Syx only announced his exit once in the beginning. Other than that he came and left without notifying me.
"Nyne." His voice came through the door, low and strained. "Open up."
I sat up and froze for a moment, my breath caught somewhere between my lungs and my throat.
"Nyne," he said again, more insistent this time.
I threw the covers off and padded to the door on shaky legs, my hand hesitating on the knob. When I finally pulled it open, the sight of him nearly knocked the air out of me.
