“And now, I haven’t seen him since Christmas because his mother won’t allow me to be a part of their lives. She wouldn’t even let me see him on his second birthday this past April.”
My heart sinks low in my chest as I take in everything he’s sharing, a slow, heavy pull that leaves me feeling hollowed out, like there’s no room to breathe around it.
He puts his fork down and looks me in the eyes, making sure he has my attention.
“I didn’t lose the love of my life. Not in the same way that you did. But I did lose my baby girl, my wife whom I loved, and unless something changes, I may lose my son as well.” He breathes in deeply, and my whole body tenses up as I start to get a feeling that I know where this is going. “I won’t say I know how you feel, Levi.”
“Good, don’t,” I bite out.
“Because I’m not you,” he continues, like I didn’t say anything. “I will say that I know you’re hurting and I know you’re angry.”
“Yeah? What gave it away, Chief?” I retort, glad I finished most of my food before having this conversation, because I’ve lost my appetite.
“Well, for starters, you’re an asshole, King.” There’s no anger or judgment in his tone. He’s not yelling or angry. He’s just stating an observation.
“Well, I have news for you, Chief Garrett Mason. I always have been.” I drop my fork on the table and cross my arms. “Got anything else?”
“You’re taking it out on your crew. That anger? Walking around being a sarcastic ass all the time? That would be fine if that were all it was. But you’re hurting, and hurting people, hurt people.”
I scoff, rolling back my shoulders and turning my head.
“Who the hell am I hurting?”
His lip twitches slightly up on one side, and something gentle replaces the tension in his eyes. “Yourself, King.”
Out of everything I thought he was going to say, it wasn’t that. His words send a cold shiver down to my bones, hitting me like a baseball bat to the face.
“I know I’m angry, I know I’m hurting. This—This isn’t news to me,” I stammer, feeling my pulse rise.
“No, I’m sure you’ve got that figured out. But if you continue to live in this constant state of hurt, eventually you’re not going to be able to find your way out. You’re never going to be happy.” He cleans off and places our containers into the dishwasher before heading toward the open doorway.
“Are you happy, Chief?” I ask before he walks through.
He looks down before meeting my gaze over his shoulder. “I’m working on it.”
He heads back to his room, and I listen to his footsteps as they disappear down the hall, up the stairs, and past his door. I’m left alone, sitting at the table, reliving every second of our conversation as it replays in my head until my body begs for rest. Eventually, I give in and head back to my bunk.
Who the hell am I hurting?
Yourself, King
The conversation replays over and over as my head sinks deeper into my pillow, until finally sleep takes me, andherface is the last thing I see.
Chapter Eleven
Tris
After my shift ends, I go straight home. Ellie isn’t expecting me when I arrive and open Levi’s door, but within seconds, it becomes clear that she couldn’t be happier. She might think she is still a puppy, but she’s about one hundred pounds of King Shepard, and I’m pretty sure ten pounds of that is all fur. There’s no way she’s fully grown. She still has too many features indicative of a puppy, but trying to pull answers out of Levi is like, well, I’m not sure, but I’d rather claw my own eyes out than deal with him.
“Hey, Ellie,” I say, laughing as she jumps up and pulls me to the floor.
She smothers me in kisses until deciding that she’s had enough. Soon, I’m in the middle of the entryway to Levi’s condo, staring straight up at the ceiling with a one-hundred-pound weighted blanket of fur sprawled over top of me.
“It’s fine. I don’t need to breathe,” I joke as she rests her head on my chest so that her nose is directly below my chin. I tilt my head down and smile. “Comfortable?”
She peppers me with more kisses, and since I have nowhere in the world to be, I don’t push her off. Having her weight on me is actually comforting, so I’m in no rush. Instead, I let my eyes wander around the condo, or at least as much of it as I can see. Levi must have known when he gave me the key for Ellie that it would also mean trusting me to be in his home without completely destroying the place. After what he said to me a few weeks ago, I have half a mind to find his toothbrush and scrub the toilet with it. He’s luckyI’m trying to work on myself, or else that’s exactly the kind of petty behavior and revenge tactic I’d be taking now... very lucky.
Levi’s place is comfortably furnished, and annoyingly so. It’s the kind of comfort that’s intentional, curated, like someone with good taste and too much restraint picked everything out and stopped just short of letting it feel lived in. If I had to guess, I’d say Callie had something to do with this. The design is nothing like the mishmash of things spread throughout my place and is leagues nicer than mine in every way. The color scheme is nice, forest greens and neutral brown tones spread throughout, and there’s furniture that looks solid and expensive without screaming for attention. Every appliance appears to be stainless steel and brand new. There’s even a high-end coffee machine sitting on the counter, still wrapped in plastic from what I can tell from my spot on the floor.
