“You could have said something when she was threatening me,” Vivian snapped. “Anyone else, you’d have jumped down her throat, told her not to talk to one of your people like that. Anyone else, you would have threatened her right back!” She was shaking, on edge from dancing through the dangerous terrain that was a conversation with Hattie Wilson and furious at Honor for leaving her to navigate that terrain all on her own.
And Honor wouldn’t even look at her, her hands braced on the desk in front of her, her eyes fixed on its surface. Vivian didn’t yell, didn’t want to risk anyone outside the door hearing her. But she couldn’t keep the hurt and the anger from her voice. “What am I, the one person at the Nightingale who’s not worth bothering to look after?”
“Do you want Hattie Wilson knowing how I feel about you?”Honor demanded, her voice husky. When she lifted her head, her cheeks were flushed with emotion. Her cool facade was finally cracking. Vivian stared at her. It was not what she had expected Honor to say at all. “Do you want to find out what she’d do with that kind of information? I don’t.”
“Howdoyou feel about me?” Vivian met Honor’s eyes without flinching. “You don’t want Hattie Wilson to know, sure. I don’t know how much your business crosses paths with hers, but you know best on that front. But what about me? BecauseIstill don’t know. I’m starting to suspect you don’t either, and I don’t have time to be yanked around like this.”
Honor flinched, then took a step around the desk. “I’m not trying to—”
“You might not be trying, but you are.” Vivian’s own breathing was coming faster now. There was longing there, and distrust that she still hadn’t let go of. But more than anything, it was the uncertainty making her feel reckless and angry. She thought of Florence dancing downstairs, Dr. Harris’s embarrassment when he askedHow’s your sister?
What would she be left with if Florence was gone?
“You gave me a job here, Honor. And I’m grateful for that because you didn’t have to, and it made my life a hell of a lot easier than it had been. And maybe we both thought it would make things simpler if we had some clear line between us, some role to play. But it hasn’t, and we both know it.”
“Do you want to quit, then?” It was impossible to tell how Honor felt about that idea. She had herself back under control now, and Vivian hated her for it a little.
“No, I want you to make up your mind.”
Honor smiled then, an almost mocking expression. “Rich words coming from you, pet. We both know you haven’t made up your mind either.”
“It’s not the same,” Vivian insisted, stung. They were only inches from each other now. If she reached out, she knew Honor wouldn’t pull away, and they would have their answer. But that would only make things simpler for a moment. “Your life is here. Yourworldis here. Mine would be completely upended. My sister… I wouldn’t even know how to explain it to her, never mind whether she’d actually want to see me again.” She thought about Alba, cut off and thrown out because her family couldn’t see past the choice she’d made. And a baby was so much more commonplace than what being with Honor would mean. “It’s not safe for me to make up my mind until you do.”
“I told you once, pet. I’m not the sort of woman who makes promises.” Slowly, deliberately, Honor took a step back. Her smile was sad. “It’s safer for me not to. Just like it’s safer for you. And right now, neither of us is sure losing that is worth it.”
It hurt to hear those words. Vivian had spent so much of her life knowing that most of the world—and maybe even her own family—didn’t think she wasworth it. “That’s that, then,” she said slowly, taking a step back.
“Is it?” Honor shook her head. “You thought that once before. But here we are again, becausenot sureisn’t the same asno. Are you actually making up your mind this time?”
“I’m going back downstairs is what I’m doing,” Vivian snapped. “Thanks for arranging the meeting with Mrs. Wilson.”
“You’re welcome,” Honor said softly. She waited until Vivian was almost at the door before asking, just as quietly, “Are you going to be at work on Monday?”
Vivian glanced over her shoulder. “Am I?”
“You always have a place here, Vivian. No matter what happens between us. I do look out for my people.”
“Well, that’s something, then.”
Vivian wanted Honor to say something else. But there was just theslightest tremble to her hands, a brief moment when she caught her lower lip with her teeth before her expression returned to its normal smoothness. Vivian wasn’t the only one who had been hurt by the exchange. They stared at each other in silence, both waiting, until Vivian turned away once more and left.
FOURTEEN
The sound of the door clicking shut echoed in her head as she made her way downstairs into the music and heat, the sounds and scents of the dance hall a familiar balm to the sharp, angry places inside her.
She immediately glanced around, looking for her sister, and found Florence back at the bar. She still looked nervous, which made her smile a lot at everyone around her, and that, combined with her fresh-faced beauty, was drawing plenty of eyes. But she didn’t seem to notice as she sipped gingerly at a glass of champagne. Bea was on her break now and sitting with her, the two of them chatting as Danny, working once more, leaned over the bar to make some joking comment.
Vivian jumped when someone caught her hand, and she swung up her other hand without thinking, planning to push them away. But it was just Leo, who was watching her with concerned eyes. “Your sister’s fine. Mrs. Wilson and her boys left a bit ago, and they didn’t look twice at her. How did it go up there?”
“Okay, I guess?” Vivian said, trying to put Honor from her mind. “Thanks for keeping an eye on Florence.”
Leo grinned. “She remembered me as the fella who brought you dinner that one time. Gave me a hell of a skeptical look until Danny vouched for me.”
“I hope you took it easy on her on the dance floor.”
“I would have, but she turned me down flat, though she was real sweet about it.” He eyed Vivian, his expression growing more serious, until she wanted to squirm away. She didn’t want him to guess what had passed between her and Honor. “Come dance with me,” he said, giving her hand a gentle tug. The band was playing a slow foxtrot, the trumpet crooning lovingly enough that the song didn’t even need a singer, and the dance floor was crowded with couples pressing their cheeks close together. “You look like you need it, and you can tell me about what happened up there.”
Honor was right: Vivian wasn’t sure making promises to each other was worth it, either. How could she be? She really didn’t know Honor at all. “I should check on Florence,” she said. But she didn’t pull her hand away from his.
