I fell asleep with a smile, only to wake up engulfed in excruciating abdominal pain, surrounded by a pool of shattered dreams.
Just as I began to embrace the idea of motherhood, just as I started to nurture a warm feeling for the life blossoming inside me, just as I imagined bringing a human being into the world who would love me unconditionally for the rest of my days.It was all taken away from me.
It was taken away…
Chapter 48
Ifelt the earth beneath me, cool ground pressing against my bare soles.The grass brushed against my ankles, a gentle tickle.Sunlight draped my skin, warm and soothing, almost like Zane’s touch.
The breeze twirled around me, lifting the fabric of my dress, which was V’s dress, in a playful dance.These things could not be taken from me unless the world ended or I was locked away somewhere where nobody could find me.
This could not be taken from me, not this—not the summer, not the sun… The scent of grass and flowers filled the air.That moment, that summer, that sun—they belonged to me.
I glanced back and saw V peering out of her bedroom window, her brow furrowed with concern.She thought I was unwell, that I needed saving.But I didn't need saving; I had the sun, and no one could take that from me.
I continued my walk, careful not to crush the tiny lizards skittering across my path.The wind played with my hair, knotting it.The day was windier than usual, but I didn't mind.The sun was mine; it wouldn't be taken.
“Come inside,” V’s gentle voice called as she approached me.
“Not yet,” I replied, my gaze fixed on the ground.
“You've been out here for nearly two hours.Your feet are filthy.Let's go inside; I'll run you a bath.”V motioned for me to follow, her tone cautious.
“Did Zane ever walk around barefoot?”I asked suddenly, catching her off guard.
“He did like to walk, but he always wore shoes,” she answered, her surprise evident.
“How do you manage it?”I looked up at the sky, searching for answers.
“Manage what?”she asked, bewildered.
“Pretending everything is fine, living as if nothing has changed,” I said, my words sharper than intended.I saw her jaw tighten.
“You think I'm fine?You think I've moved on?You think I don't miss him?”V’s voice rose, laced with anger.
“You seem perfectly okay to me,” I shot back, my frustration boiling over.I was consumed by a fierce rage, a bubble threatening to burst.I needed someone to blame, a target for my anger.
“Okay?”she snapped, and I turned to confront her, waiting for her to crack.But she held her ground, pain flickering in her eyes, hidden behind a mask of composure.“I lost my brother.I will never be okay,” she said quietly, sorrow evident in her voice, before turning away.
I realized I was making things harder for her and Davide.I didn't belong there, yet they had taken me in and cared for me.Davide was still reeling from the day I lost the baby.I spent that long night in the bathroom, crying as pieces of my hopes slipped away.
The agony was unbearable, and it took Davide time to grasp the reality of it all.Since that night, he had been uncharacteristically silent.I spent a week in bed; the doctor assured me I was fine.I'll be fine… eventually… hopefully.I didn't want to stay here; it felt wrong.But I had nowhere else to go.
The wind sharpened, sending chills through me.Even the sun seemed to retreat behind the clouds.Rain was coming, the first rain in September and the first in quite a while.Summer's warmth still lingered, though.
I headed back to the house, intending to wash the dirt from my feet.As I stepped into the bathroom, I found V had already filled the tub.
“Just rinse off the dirt first, then you can soak,” she advised, avoiding my gaze.
“I'm sorry,” I burst out, my grief filled the space like a heavy fog, salty waterfalls streamed down, as they had daily.No matter how cruel I had been lately, V still cared.
“It's okay.Everything will be alright,” she assured me, enveloping me in a warm embrace, like a mother comforting her child.
“Why do you do this?”I sobbed, overwhelmed.
“Because you need it.Once, someone did it for me, and I was thankful,” she said, referring to Zane.She wanted to offer me the same kindness he gave her.I felt grateful, though I struggled to express it.
She stepped back, and I followed her guidance.I soaked in the warm water.Thoughts of my parents flooded my mind.I needed to get my clothes and passport.For now, I had been wearing either Zane’s or V’s clothes, supplemented by some underwear I bought with my tips from waitressing.
