I had missed several weeks of work and needed to get back.V had already scheduled an appointment to get her passport.By November, she should have it, and we could book tickets—maybe even be in New York before the New Year.
A few weeks had slipped by, and suddenly it was October.That day, I finally found the courage to go home.The weather was beautiful—sunny and promising.I could do that…
I called my father to let him know I was on my way.It was Sunday, and both he and my mother would be home.I asked Davide for a ride, and V decided to join us.
As we drove along the gravel road, my heart, like a fragile object tossed upon a turbulent sea, was struggling to maintain a regular beat.Memories flooded my mind: walking alone, sharing kisses with Marco, car rides with my dad, evenings spent running in the rain, and early mornings enveloped in thick fog.What had become of that life?
When Davide parked in the driveway, more memories rushed in—running barefoot, my parents dancing in the rain, building snowmen, and Andrea arriving with his doll.Andrea… I hadn't thought about her much, trying to suppress those memories, but then they were all vivid again.
“We'll wait here,” V said.Davide looked uneasy.I nodded and made my way to the door.Before I could knock, my dad swung it open, unable to conceal his emotions.
I stepped inside, and he enveloped me in a tight embrace, as if he hadn't seen me in years.I caught a glimpse of my mom in the kitchen, preparing tea, with freshly baked croissants on the table.She greeted me but didn't approach.
“Come in, let's have some tea.Your mom made your favorite,” my dad said, beckoning me to the table before stepping back outside.Moments later, Davide and V entered awkwardly.
We sat in silence, no one daring to break it.I just wanted to leave.This place didn't feel like home anymore.I was no longer the same person—no longer a carefree child, happy or at peace.
“I… I need to grab some clothes and my passport,” I blurted out.My parents exchanged startled glances.
“What for?”my dad asked, hesitating, fear creeping into his voice.
“I'm planning a vacation,” I lied, glancing at Davide from the corner of my eye.I couldn't tell them that I didn't intend to return.Too many uncertainties loomed ahead.I wasn't even sure if we could stay permanently; visas were temporary.Davide was helping to explore options, but nothing was certain.
“And where are you going?”my mom finally asked.
“New York,” I replied without hesitation.Her jaw dropped.I could see she wanted to argue but held back.She had changed too; we used to have calm discussions, but the chaos of the past year had altered that.
“But… how?With whom?What will you do there?”my dad’s voice cracked with despair.
“I'm going with V,” I said, nodding toward her.
“You can't!”my mom exclaimed, her voice trembling.
“Why?”I asked, maintaining my composure.But they didn't respond; instead, my dad changed the subject.
“You graduated; you can go to university and do what you were supposed to,” my dad said.
“You mean what you planned for me?”I emphasized the “you,” and silence fell as they processed my words.“If you'll excuse me, I need to pack my things,” I said, rising slowly.My mom followed me upstairs, still searching for the right words.
I opened the door to my room, and a familiar scent engulfed me.Memories flooded back—my first kiss with Zane, writing in my diary, wandering in pajamas with wet hair, lying on my bed reading, crying on the floor in despair, grappling with the pain of Zane’s absence and my pregnancy.That room was a painful reminder of my scars.
I approached the closet, grabbed my suitcase, and began packing only the essentials.My mom stood at the door, watching me as if the whole thing were a joke.
“Can you please get my passport?”I asked, but she remained silent, frozen.“Please,” I added.She seemed to snap back to reality and trudged to her room, returning after a few minutes with my passport, placing it on the bed beside my suitcase.“Thank you!”I said, but she continued to stare at me as though I were a stranger.As if I were an alien who stole and replaced her daughter.
Once I finished packing, I dragged my luggage downstairs.Both my dad and Davide came to help, the atmosphere awkward.
“When will you be back?”my mom called from the stairs, while my dad fixed his gaze on me.
“When I'm ready,” I answered.Little did I know, those words would carry more weight than I intended.I had hoped they understood that this might not be just a simple vacation.
“If you walk through that door…” my mom cried, rushing toward me and stopping just inches away.
“What?Are you going to tell me again that I'm no longer your daughter?”I shot back, unleashing pent-up anger.Perhaps I had been angry with her for not recognizing what was happening.Was it my fault or hers that Andrea had acted the way he did?I had no answers, and maybe I never would.
Davide and V moved my luggage toward the car.I wasn't a monster—at least, not yet.I couldn't just leave, so I hugged them tightly, aware this might be our final goodbye.
Yes, we cried.They begged me to stay, but I had made my decision.Nothing could deter me.I needed this, even if it all went wrong and I had to come back.It felt right—reckless, but right.Maybe I was doing it for Zane, for V, or for myself, but it was what I had to do.I just had to do it….
